My Nauseating Romance (minus the love)

.... Tyler Durden replied my tweet. That would be like, the closest I'd ever get of having a famous person replying my tweets. Yes, I am that sad. And desperate. I mean, what the hell do I have to do to get Ruki or Matthew Gray Gubler or whoever else I stalk. Dammit. =w=

Ok forget about that, just butthurt fangirl rambling. YEAH YOU DONT CARE ABOUT THAT!

Anyway HAPPY 2011! 8D I think.. this is my first post of the year? Yeah I guess so, since Im lazy as usual, and I can muster the slightest energy to blablabla about whatever. Well 2010 was interesting. Every year you learn more about yourself, and other people.. the people you care about, the people you didnt think you'd care for. Well let me tell you something I've learned; people change. Yea bitch they change. Even your best friend, someone you'd think would always be there for you will change. It just depends whether you change accordingly or you learn to compromise with that changed person. Well, eventually you'll get what I'm saying.

In recent years I learned that highschool friends or anyone you went to school with wont always be your friends. Best friends from grade school till death? Come on, that RARELY EVER happens. Now thanks to social networking you can keep tabs with your old friends via facebook and myspace (or whatever you lame ppl use) and dont have to actually talk to them! Isnt that something?! I know whats going on with all my old classmates, but I havent actually talked to them in 4 years! Cool huh?

My best friend from high school deleted her facebook a couple of months ago. Now she's active only on formspring and her blog I guess. I remember I used to call her every friggin day, just to talk. I was bored and I never could get a long with anyone from college. Hell, even in highschool I'd call her everyday after school lol. When facebook became the rage I'd start calling her less and interact more online. Hey, it was cheaper and much more practical. We could share links and pics and everything so it was cool. I'd still call her more or less though when I started getting bored. Sometimes she'd sms me too. But the interaction later became less and less... so did the interaction between me and my other close school friends. Yes, change came. I wasnt the same person I was 5 years ago.

Now that my friend deleted her fb, I havent heard much from her. Last time I did was around my bday. Lol the ironic (shitty mostly) part of it her phone is unreachable too. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTACT YOU SHAGY?! ARRGHH!! D<

Well, my point is.... some friends will break up eventually. I still love my shagy-poooh but the truth is, we're not the same ppl we were back then. Life happened. Her heart was broken, my life was torn, we've met ppl on another side who we find we can connect to much better.. and yet we both know we'll always be there for each other. Like the happy ending of a tragic love story. Yes, I'm overly dramatic.

That cant be said for most of the people I meet. Last year I lost.................... 3, maybe 4 friends? Sad really, cuz I dont make friends so easily anymore. 2 of those friends were people I really cared for. Well, one of them, lets just say we had creative differences. There was nothing really creative about our dispute, but the thing is that she kinda failed to compromise with my fury rage that comes ever so often.............. stop judging me. =w=


Its very rare to find someone so compatible with your character~ Let me tell you a story how I met sachi~e. If I or sachi~e told you this story, you might know that we met randomly in a class a couple of years ago. And it was like fate that brought us together. Yes it true, but I never told anyone what really was happening. Well, its like this, for me, it was like love at first sight. Its weird really, I dont know what love at first sight feels like, but when I first saw her I really wanted to be her friend. I felt she was different from anyone else in the class and I was hoping she sat near enough so I could probably talk to her or something. BEHOLD, SHE DID. lol she found an empty seat next to me. Well, at that time I had issues.. i didnt know how to speak to ppl and I was paranoid. So I ended up not speaking to her~

The following week she came in late, and she sat beside me again. While doing our work I noticed her notebook. I saw her drawings and sketches and doodle. I was relieved finally I had something in common with her. I wanted to speak, but Istill couldnt. Lmao I'm so weird, now that I'm remembering it the more it seems like a lesbian love story of some sort. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OHH MAIIIIII AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH well, no, im completely straight. Anyway, i ended up not talking to her again. Sad (pathetic), ne?

But the following week I figured, if I cant open my damn mouth to speak to her, then I'll have to make her speak to me first. So heres something I did that even sachi~e doesnt know.... 8DD I opened my notebook that was also filled with sketches and doodles and shit and I put it at an angle where she would see it. Yes it sounds lame, but come on, I completely lacked self confidence that time! I couldnt even look ppl in the eye dammit. And yea, it worked. XDD I DONT REGRET DOING THAT. I COULDNT OPEN MY MOUTH SO I LET MY DRAWING DO THE TALKING!! -dont judge me dammit. =w=


Anyway, I'm glad I did that. I found someone compatible for me. I may not find love, may never find it, but its ok. I found someone I cant let go. Lol. Which brings me to lost friend #2, where I almost lost sachi~e because of him. I think... if things didnt turn out they way they are now.. I might have lost her. I cant bare that. Honestly, you know, the very first person I opened up to when my dad left was her. It was weird, we were just having lunch together and I just got to know her... but I blurted it out to her anyway. We're awesome that way. 8D

Thank you sachi~e for failing 5 times at the same class!

NOLAN IS AWESOME. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE WASNT NOMINATED FOR BEST DIRECTOR FOR THE OSCARS. I THINK THATS BULLSHIT AND I CALL CONSPIRACY, JUST LIKE IT WAS A FUCKEEN FB CONSPIRACY THE SOCIAL NETWORK WON BEST PICTURE FOR THE OTHER AWARD SHOW THAT ESCAPES MY MIND AT THE MOMENT.

Oh and I'm in love with Cillian Murphy.


That is all.

/RAGE

Fucking idiots. I was trying to understand, to accept.

But you.. the both of you...

All of you...

Is it fun for you to see me like this?

For how long should I remain silent until I scream out foul?

Know that we'll never be the same.

Know that you tore my heart out and burned it.

Know that you'll be the cause of rage and depression.

Cuz if you have an ounce of guilt left in you

I want it to grow and make you suffer.

When the World is Kind, but Reality Stays Cruel

This life... its such a bitch.

Everytime you think you have everything under control for the first time.. it turns around and smacks you in the face. "Haha Loser"

Oh fuck you life.

Its not that I aint grateful... but you know the feeling when you have no idea what you're doing? As in, wheres the life you live? Like wondering what the hell you've been doing all this time? *sigh* Such annoyance.. the people around me, my routine, my dreams, reality, my relationships with people... I wish there was more.






Again with the whiny ranting of how fucked up this life is. Fuck you its my blog I can say whatever I want. Yes I'm childish.

But you know what? There's a difference between being childish and being immature. I like to consider myself a childish adult. Why? Cuz I can take on the responsibility life throws at me. Unlike this person whom I will not name cuz it doesnt matter, lets just say this person is a guy. So this guy likes to ramble on about how fucked up life is, like me. :D But alas! This person's luck isn't as bad as mine. I'd like to state why, and what makes my life so difficult, but I dont feel comfortable talking about it on a public blog. I dont know what his life is messed up about, but I doubt he suffers as much as I do. Sure, he got his issues, but I'd think they're more to self-issued issue rather than life's fun way of saying "fuck you". Anyway, why compare him and me? Cuz this "guy".... just annoys me. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Sigh... well, when life throws you lemons... you just have to enjoy the sourness. Put it in your mouth and cry, but you'll feel something awesome. Bitter, sour, but ironically amusing. When you have a negative take on your so-called "fucked-up" life, when you say everything bad always happens to me... when you think bad luck is stalking you... you know.. just STFU. People have it worst than you, so just get on with your self pitying life. Like me, I like to ramble and pity myself a lot. Why? No one gives a fuck. So after emo-ing, I just carry on. I mean, lifes like that, you cant expect everything to be rolled out in front of you, unless you're privileged. Damn, I wished I was privileged. You can't call yourself a man if you keep pitying the way your life is. If you hate your life so much, than fucking change it. Whats stopping you, rite? Money? Relationships? Fuck all of them, its your life, go live it! Cuz no one's gonna live it for you.

One thing I learned from watching Doctor Who is to just forget it all, and go where your heart desires. Its scary, but I cant live static for the rest of my life. My mind wont allow me. If I'm destined to be poor the rest of my life, then I'd find other ways to take me places.







Having ties to someone.. its heavy. I watched that George Clooney movie, Up in The Air and his motivational philosophy intrigued me, about the backpack stuff. How heavy ties and bonds to other people are. The closer the heavier. Its true you know.... the more you care the more you feel dragged behind in life. But really, why do we do it? Why tie yourself to other people? Fear of dying alone? Fear of being forgotten? We all die alone. But what is life without cherishing it with someone?






There are 2 voices in my head. One is a really dark part of me. Has no emotions, has violent thoughts and just hates everything. Somehow I think, if this part of me ever takes over.. I will be a sociopath. I mean, I dont know how to prove I do have really really scary thoughts... some might say I'm just trying to be cool or something, like making it up. Yea I do have a thing for sociopaths (Sherlock, Dexter) but that doesn't mean I wanna be emotionless and act violent for no reason. And when I say I have depression I'm not lying. =w= FYI. But another part of me, remains human. The part of me that wants to believe the good in people, that wants to love everyone. That gives a damn.

So whats my point? Well, these 2 voices in my head.... are bugging me. Confusing me to the point I dont know whats right or wrong. To be reckless, to embrace the darkness that haunts me, or to be the caring aneue people turn to. Arghh my head is a soap opera. My best friend wants to be happy, I wanna see her happy. But I cant. Misery loves company? Or am I just jealous? Jealous of what? I always believed deep down the nicer part of me knows the answers, but is suppressed by the mean part....





I need a coke. =w=

The days I realize I wasnt really living, but not at all dying.

Wow I havent been blogging at all. HAH! Thought I was dead dint you? DIDNT YOU?!
Well, not yet at least~ 8D

Yea so I've started my internship already, and as I foresaw I didnt get to go to Canada. Fuck. I dont wanna talk about it, cuz it stabs me in the heart everytime I think about it. =.=
But aside from that, I'm doing ok where I am now. To say its not as good as being in Canada.. well.. pfft, but hey, at least I'm still learning here. You know being an eccentric-dont-give-a-damn kinda designer, being in a corporate environment helps a lot to understand what corporate people want, and how they look at things. Its pretty hard coping with what they want and expect, but its all good.


Lately I've been really emo~ not that emo emo, but depressed, to the extent I think I need professional help XDD. What problems I have.. well not really the kind of problems you find in a telenovela, but sometimes things just get out of hand.

Look at this cute thing. K-k-kawaii~!! Less than 3!!

It doesn't help when your whole family is against you. You know, when a friend goes and betrays you it really hurts, but what if your own flesh and blood does that? I'm not saying my family doesn't love me... not at all, but.. its just weird... how I always find myself crying alone at night. *sigh*


Which brings me to the point of blogging about stupid crap like my depression. See, I know, my life was meant to be a crappy one. Not crappy la, but not full of excitement and ambition my mind dreams of. Just a normal everyday life maybe, if I'm lucky. But for now, my life is like the lowest depths of low. To the point I get suffocated and wish that one day someone will come and save me. But this here is reality, and in reality, I gotta save myself dammit. Cuz no fucking dude is gonna come and reach out, so I gotta pull myself up, and then become the dude that saves the lost. Thats what all those nights of tears and self pity taught me. In other words, throw everything at me, cuz as long as I keep to the promises I made to myself, I refuse to succumb to the fear in me.

The promises I made to myself, it keeps me going, keeps my head up.

If death comes and takes me today, I regret not living. Not living life the way I wanted to. Not being a good enough muslim, not being a good enough daughter or sister or friend or person. But thats humans for you, never good enough, never happy with what they have.


I dream; I dream of being someone who creates art, masterpieces. Recently I've been introduced to videos, which is awesome. I love movies~ one day... maybe I can make my own~ But what I dream the most about... is being free. My mother doesn't care if I wanna go out, as long as I dont bother her. But I'm not talking about that kinda freedom. Its just so sad... there is nothing really I can say I'm free to do. I dream of a world with no boundaries, but what I am in now is like a box. Closed box~

R.I.P Milla Jirojovich, Mommy loves you forever.

Its funny how I write about crappy crap first then something totally different at the bottom. XDD Then back to total crap. Bwahahahaha XDDDD

So, my baby Jiro died last May. I was heartbroken, my baby... Jiro was so smart, like the most smartest cat in the world I tell ya. Other cats are just at her mercy. pfft.

Jiro... she loved the outside. I brought her home cuz her owner had to keep her on the balcony when she was away cuz her other cats would chase and scratch her. She was smart enough not to jump off~ :D

When I first brought her home I remember her mouth was foaming... my mother thought she ate a frog.. but no, she was just super paranoid. XDD Like me!! *awww sho cute~*

Jiro kun would always go out and hang out on the roof. She hated being kept inside, she only came back to eats and sleep and play with me sometimes when it got too hot to stay outdoors~

But she got sick... my mom said not to let her out, cuz if she did go out, she'd never come back. So I put her in my brother's room (he doesn't use it, its empty) and spent her dying days in there. She'd always beg to come out, and sit near the door so she could have an opportunity to run. But I still didnt let her go out. I said to her "Jiro, kalau jiro baik nnt mommy bwk kluar ok?"

But a few days went past and she died

I got home and found her by the door

She wanted to go out and taste her freedom just one more last time.

Jiro baby, mommy is so sorry. Mommy regrets not taking care of you properly, not letting you out when I knew you wanted to see feel the wind again. Pls forgive mommy. Mommy loves you forever.

At least now you arent tied down, you dont have boundaries you have to keep to.

You're not living in a closed box.

Welcome to the Dead Leaf Parade.

So yea, now for real updates.

First of all... SHOUJO MANGA BANZAI!! rofl, I'm so loving shoujo manga now... the comedy ones, mind you.. definitely NOT Vampire Knight and the like~

And you know why? Because of bishies. Yes, i like them more straight. LMAO!! Yaoi hinting is nice, but to have them wasted on fellow guys are just a waste~ T*T

Ok, honestly, I dont really read a lot of shoujo manga, and most of them are insanely intolerable, especially those where the characters have eyes as bigs as melons. But, there are a few that are really good~ Skip Beat, Kaicho wa Maid sama, High School Debut, one shots from Motomi Kyousuke, my fave shoujo mangaka and I recently started reading Oresama Teacher.. damn hawwwwwwt~ *nyappy~*

Switch girl is also good, cuz the heroine is just crack (pun not intended). Wallflower is good because of Nakahara Sunako, a girl I wish to be very much. But ultimately, Mogami Kyouko from Skip Beat has got to be the luckiest (well, after her bad luck streak la) girl ever. She has the most popular actor in Japan, 2 (scary and hawwt) vk rockers plus some other dudes trying to win her heart.. the best part is... SHE HAS NONE!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Ohh did I mention the actor dude is also scary? I think he's probably the most scariest in the manga, after Kyouko. I think I have a thing for scary guys like that. It makes me wonder if I'm really a masochist. Hmmm~~ lol random

[ok REAL update now]

I'm now into my 6th semester, so next semester which will start in June (I think) I'll be starting my friggin internship!! BWAAHHHH~!! I cant wait to get out of tht dumbass college. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!

So right now, I'm trying to hunt down my work so I can add them to my so empty portfolio. T*T

My mother wants me to balik kampung for my practical.... in other words, go back to Canada~ for like, 3 months.. until Raya. So if I do go there, I would be fasting there.... "orz you have to wake up at 4 dammit~

KAYKAY!! HIKARI!! ANEUE WILL MISS YOU DEARLY!! That is.. if I go... I dont wanna get my hopes up or anything, anything can happen you know... the thing is my mom is like, dead set on sending me away~ =w=

I just hope I can still be able to be a hikikomori if I go there~

Aside from going there, I'm interested going to Animasia or some publishing company that my friends are aiming for. It'd be cool if you get to do your practical with people you know.. it makes being anti social easier.. you dont need to socialize as much with people you never met before. Rofl.

Incomprehensible logic from hell, I know. XDD

P/S: I forgot to make a post tribute to Ruki during his birthday. T*T gomen ne, taka chan. But I think I got it covered... all over... my blog... his smexxy face~~ *drools* Happy Belated Bday though darling~ Love you~ ngeeeeeeeeee~~ :3

Oh Kenken... I need to post more of your pics~ Do you realize how much I love you? This ai'nt healthy man~ T*T Ahh.. fuck whoever, I cant stop loving you. Take that, *********

btw, *cough* encik senior sudah single balik. from what i've been stalking la. 8D

Kimi wa hitori ja nai~

I right this in the memory of one of my fave mangakas, Yoshito Usui sensei, who passed away recently. Yoshito sensei was the mangaka of Crayon Shin Chan, one manga that has a special place in my heart. All the times when i was down, emo, all alone, when I felt the world was my enemy, I'd take a shin chan manga and just read it. It put a smile on my face when everything else failed, and made me laugh so hard I'd forget all my problems. I'd post a link to the news, but ironically... i read it at sankaku complex. *phail*

*cough* Well, i was online with Vee senpai yesterday and she said probably Shin Chan would be done by someone else now. Unfortunately it'd be totally different from the original.. T^T I'm just hoping Shin Chan would have proper closure for the readers and fans~

Yoshito Usui sensei, may you rest in peace.



//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\

And on another note, Happy birthday sengal chan! May my ****one day be big enough to rival yours! XDD nggeee~

damn.. i just realized merlin isn't out till next week.. ToT

mnyaaw. screw tht. and you. and whoever. bahhh. i hate everyone. baaaahhhh. yes everyone. all you ppl tht call themselves my "friend". now really, what do you ppl know about me? if i wasnt fasting right now.. geez.. i so wanna curse~ yes, i am angry, and everyone is on my nerves. especially W^$#%@% facebook. and stupid !#^$!^%& tomotomo. and wimax. @#$^ you.


now random pics thread.

I have no idea why i have this. =_= when i read this manga also i forgot.

At least i can look forward to DTB 2nd season. But wtf, hei's hair ish so long! =__=

This is love. I'll always love you. BUT @^%&$ Sunway Pyramid, where the hell you go?! =__=;;

I like Tepung Pelita, Dont say its only for Old People!

You know, my room is always dark... i seldom switch on the lights and most of the time rely on the light from my brother's joining room he doesnt use, unless playing his guitar) and the light from my monitor.

Remember Jiro? Yes, my baby pipo, the anti-social cat stuck in my room. She's so smart, but at times very naughty.

Well, after having losing all 3 of her babies, Jiro went into some weird phases.. lol. Now she;s in the hyperactive-i-wanna-play phase, which is adorable, but unfortunately i dont have that much time to play.. (read:lazy)

So Jiro goes and runs around in my bro's room, comes back to my room, and goes crazy all over again. One night she come back to my room with a shoe lace in her mouth, signalling me she wants to play~

So me played. Play play play

Everynight i played with her with the old shoelace..

Often times, on my bed~

Then last night... my brother was in my room reading something he dl somewhere, so he turned on my lights.

The shoelace wasnt a shoelace. It was a strand from a mop.

phail.

oh gle bosan

so bored~~~~~~ i cant sleep... i need to wake up at 4 a.m so i can be on time at my friends house at 6.30 am to go to melaka~

oh gle bosan.

before this i tried calling up random ppl (wanted to prank call them.. go smthg like *creepy voice* "warrrrrghhh~ tonight i shall eat thy soul.. and rip your body to shreds~" *hang up quickly*) i dont know why, it always ends up as a failure..

first one to call: masahiro kun
no answer

2nd: shagy
pffffffffffffft.

3rd: hiro pon
=___________=;;;

*suddenly recieve msg from masahiro*
chesss.. lepakking rupanya.

4th: akiran
(for some reason half way through i didnt feel like pranking him anymore, dakara, i hung up XDD)

5th: pyonn chan
nyaaaaaa!! why is your phone always dead??!!!!??!!!

6th: try calling shagy again
*phail*

oohhh~~ all my "friends" have forsaken me!! (except masahiro kun XDD, who good willingly passed me some nice info on some nice ppl~)

i need to do some evil now.. getting some ideas from my all time sadistic hero, hamada masatoshi~

hahaha, you can guess im watching gaki no tsukai. yay! im addicted again!! XDD
oh and i read some manga about killer school girls, which in fact, proves that highschool girls ARE INDEED DANGEROUS.

Doubt (started a long time ago, but just managed to finish)
Saitama Chainsaw Shoujo (looking forward to see the ending! XD alien invasion? hope its not some dumb dream~)
Gekkoh (abandoned... damn, the story was too slow~)
and some other stuff~~ forgot already (i've been reading yaoi~ XDDXDD lol!!!)

ok, back to hamada.. yay! gaki no tsukai banzai!!!

*Insert completely unrelated title here*

Nyaaaaaaa~ wonderful people of planet Earth! Mari peluk! XD

I'm now on holiday from stupid college now.. but i still need to come back everyday.. why? Cuz I'm makin your damn college walls more beautiful. Right now me and Jeradine are doing a massive collaboration in the stairwell of Segi.. and its damn hard. Everyday I go home with dirty clothes and a pained neck. For what? For the satisfaction of having (finally) somoething of mine admired by fellow students and lecturers.

pffft.

Also, to vivi chan... GOMENASAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My lovely phone got problems, so I recieved your sms of distress a bit very late... T^T *phail* Anyway, as to your question, I'll answer it here, albeit being several weeks too late. If im not mistaken you asked which would I choose, money or love, ne? I choose.. money XD

See, when people say money cant buy you happiness, their wrong. Money does make you happy. And what? If you're broke, you can be happy? Please, take a look in reality, do you think when you dont have money, even if you have wonderful friends and a family that cares can make you happy? In this corrupted society? No...
And love? hahahaha... love is a wonderful thing.... i wont deny it. With love you feel the world and all its filth is nothing to you. You see beauty, you see... whatever you want to see. But with love, comes pain, and its a bittersweet pain to feel, but not all love stories have a happy ending. And hell, where can love get you? It can make you a better person, a better human... it can make you stronger and all, but in this day and age, it will eventually fade, and get you nowehere.

You are alone dakara.

Well, thats coming from a child of a broken home, with a history of betrayal and distrust~ ahhh.. how wonderful love could be if i could actually feel it~ *phail*

Anyway, vivi chan~ me sorry for leaving you hanging... *hugs* gomen ne~ *give candy*



And we come to another friend... i dont know what to do with you. I still dont know where I stand. Do you even see me as a friend? Why must blogging be the only way of communictaion between us... you suck. You are so lame.... it seems that i am no more use to you.


And thus, i am alone again~

*Sigh* MatsuKen............... why you hurt me also? Im so sad... all you like in women...
*starts to cry*
You only like mature women~
Older girls...
Like Koyuki~
*cries even harder*
So if a girl isnt mature, does that mean she isnt strong? You make me feel so sad...


But I still love you~

I'll be fangirling Ruki for now.... untill Koyuki is no more~
T^T

Another emo story.

I am Shagy's tagged victim.

1. Besides your lips , where is the favourite spot to get kissed
Who said ppl can touch me? =.=''

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
Doomed, then feel like going back to sleep, only to realize I'll be doomed all the same.

3. Who was the last person/people you took a photo with?
. . . . .
Cant remember. XDXD I hate taking pictures~ Maybe..... long long time ago........ with Kay?
XDXDXDXDXDXDXD LOL!!!!

4. Would you considered yourself spoiled?
I wish I could~ T^T

5. Will you ever donate blood?
Maybe.

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
ahhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~~~~~~ =__=

7. Do you want someone to be dead?
Is that a problem?

8. What does your last text message say?
Something like "Go find a public library" XDXDXD

9. What are you thinking right now?
The annoying person that I feel like stabbing

10. Do you want someone to be with you right now?
Yea. Unfortunately, that PERSON would rather be with someone else. HMPH!!!

11. What was the time you went to bed last night?
3 a.m

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now?
*drumroll* Tesco Puchong Branch! XDXD

13. Is someone on your mind right now?
The person I feel like stabbing.

14. Who was the last person to text you?
Pon chyan~


TEN lucky People to do this quiz ;

1. Kay
2. Shagy (me tag jugak!!! bluek!!! XP)
3. Vivi chan
4. Masahiro
5. Beatrice
6. Hiro pon
7. Kurocherub chan
8. Joanne
9. Hikari
10. Random Person

15. Who is no. 2 having relationship with?
Mamat Tua. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

16. Is no. 3 a male or a female?
Kawaii girl

17. If no. 1 and no.7 get together , would it be good?
OMG!! NuoooooooooOOOOOOO!!! Jeradine ish SO not like that! And even so, noone kacau my kawaii imotou!!

18. What is no.1 studying about?
Form 4, so anything a typical student would.. taking LK... at SMK Bintang Utara.. i think~ ahahaha

20. Is no. 4 single?
I have no idea, but since he's so free, I think, yea, probably~ :P

21. Say something about no. 2.
Kalau psl bnde merepek cmni baru ingat aku eh... poyo... cesss~

22. What do you think of no. 3 and no.6 being together?
Someone's dream come true~ >.>

23. Describe no.9.
Sadist sister that went away to study in Johor~ Ohhh.... hiiiiikaaariiiiii~~
Your chainsaw is getting ruuuuusstyyyyyyyyyy~~

24. What will you do if no. 6 and no.7 fight?
Seriously, that would be very interesting.. hmmm....
ME WATCH.

25. Do you like no. 5?
Yes, she's a very good friend and one of the nicest person I've ever met~ :D

It rains in My Heart When the Sky Cries

I think I'm depressed. =.=''

Seriously~ Haaaaah.....I'm tired already. Mentally tired. I've had enough, I want out.
You know, these past few days have been stressing for me. One thing that is getting to me is my 3dmodelling work.
Well, I guess it suits me right for delaying and procrastinating so much. Damn, after my internet got cut only I realized how damn lazy I really am. For God's sake, imagine me sleeping or doing random stupid stuff instead of working on my 3dmodelling.. I mean, I do realize the fact that I keep delaying finishing it is because of something mentally bugging me, but, damn, 3 weeks! 3 WEEKS!!! arrghhh... and then when I DO WANNA START doing it, suddenly my pc got problem la... what the fcking hell la? Seriously, i cant take it!

Then yesterday I didn't know what I should do... keep quiet and ponteng my animation class today, or tell my lecturer, Dictator Ching and face him today~

I was actually scared... i knew what i should do, but i dont know why, i just couldn't find the answer. It may seem like nothing, ponteng class, and really, it isn't.. (hahhahhahahahahaha) but, you know, sometimes... its better to face your problems and be honest to yourself. My lecturer, he knew I had problems with modelling and so far, he has been helpful and tolerant throughout all the weeks I took to finish the first assignment. Bahhhh, I guess I ffel like I'm cheating myself in this subject. I know I can do it, but I just dont wanna do it. I suck, I hate myself for that.

Its funny, while I was thinking about what I should do, I suddenly was reminded of Hiro pon~ hahaha XD
ehemmm... Its cuz everytime I get myself into trouble like this I go emo and bitch about it to him... XDXDXD lol
Then he tells me what I should do, but then go "Oh, I know that.. just bitchin"...I mean.. whats the point? XDXD Aiyahh.. idiot...

Anyway, its like, when I'm faced with a problem, I know what I'm supposed to do.. but last night, I was such in a state of despair, I wanted to cry.. I felt helpless for some reason.. If I'm doing whats right, then why am I crying? Then it hit me. I had no faith in myself.


And thus continued with the thoughts of deadly despair, at the same time trying to cancel them out and think positive. After a while I was ok though, hahaha, and dictator-san said it was ok, but he said that I'll have to finish everything before the end of June, and get an A, or fail. Yea, A or FAIL. Nothing in between. XDXD lol *swt*

I decided to come today. Though I was depressed the whole time. I got a little "panic" or "anxiety"or something like that in class.. hahaha~ maybe not a real attack la, but I was worried and thinking bad thoughts till I couldn't control my feelings and cried~ T*T

I feel stupid now~~ grrrrrr.....

Anyway, now, I officially pledge my alliance to the Communist Dictator!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! *not a communist la, just saying XP*

*Looks at what I just wrote*
I'm damn messed up la. And annoying. And really.. WTFH?
Now.. where'd my ignorance go....? XD

I'm a FREAKIN GENIUS!

You know.. in my last post i said i was really into TTGL... im always at some point randomly fangirling something to the point it will get me into trouble.

DAMN!!!!!!!!

TTGL- episode 4~ downloaded at anime-eden.com
was REWATCHING it..

the first time when i dl the episode, i left it in my "downloads" folder... i couldnt move it to me "anime" foleder for some reason..
i tried to move it yesterday~ and still couldn't.. it said it was open in a different folder..blabla

so i decided to delete it, cuz i needed to arrange my files, etc to save my precious RAM...

and being the fcking genius i am, i DRAGGED the thing to the recycle bin. Accidently left it on my desktop though.....
dakara....

"windows has stopped working" over and over and OVER again.

I cant find a way to delete the stupid thing!!! I tried everything!!!!!!! omigosh... im gonna die..... IM GONNA FCKIN DIE!!!!!!!!!


Im.... falling...deeper... into despair.................... why world, WHY??!!??!!!

Bwahahahaha! I AM AN EVIL TAGGING PERSON!

I stole this from a German/Polish/Swedish/I dont know actually person. >D
Jyaa, follow the very little instructions, and pick fictional characters~

Choose 12 characters, then answer the questions.

1. Sakata Gintoki- Gintama
2. Yagami Raito- Death Note
3. Osaki Nana- Nana
4. L- Death Note
5. Enma Ai- Jigoku Shoujo
6. Dean Winchester- Supernatural (ok. im watching supernatural and loving it~ =.=)
7. Harry Potter- Harry Potter
8. Neo- The Matrix
9. Edogawa Conan- Detective Conan
10. Merlin- Merlin
11. Kagura- Gintama
12. Mogami Kyouko- Skip Beat

1. Who could be better professor on the college, 6 or 11? Which subject could they teach?

DEAN! Definitely Dean~ haha.. forever shall I be awake in class... and if it was Kagura.. OMG.. everyday sukonbu! And she'll steal my candy! And never understand cuz of her weird accent!

Dean- Mechanics and stuff about engines and cars~
Kagura- Culinary Arts

But seriously, both can teach physical education best.. LOL!


2. Do you think that 4 is sexy? How much?

HELL YEAAAAAAHHHH! Smexy to the power of infinity! YAY for sugar-addict weirdos!

3. 12 sends 8 on a mission. What kind of mission is this and will it be succesfull?

Ok, Kyoko gets this character that is supposed to be a super hacker and orders Neo to prep her for the part. Neo, being the super complicated paranoid being he is, interprets this as Kyouko wanting to mentor him on ways to surpress his evil inside him and thus becoming the pure chosen one Morphius has been bitchin' everyone about. Neo takes Kyouko through backdoors and questioning "why must Kyouko become a hacker" and "Is Kyouko even real" and "Why am I listening to someone who isn't even real, but seems so real, but in fact is just a 2d being"?

bla, bla, bla.... yea, PHAIL.

4. What is (or could be) favourite book of 9?

duhhh.... SHERLOCK HOLMES! hahaha, too easy~ (and to think he would be no.9..)

5. What could make more sense: That 2 is telling dirty things to 6 or 6 to 2?

omgomgomgomgogmg... LOL RAITO TELLING DIRRRTY THANGS TO DEAN~ XD oh, yagami kun, you~ hahaha XD
(for the ignorant, its obviously Dean who'll be talking dirt.)

6. For some reason, 5 looks for a lodger. Should s/he live with 9, or 10?

For some reason... Enma Ai gets kicked outta hell. And since Conan kun is a man(yea, MAN) of science, than Ai chan would be better of with Merlin. Oh, Merlin.. he'd love to become Enma's apprentice, wouldn't he? XD


7. 2, 7 and 12 are eating dinner/supper together. Where will they go and about what they will talk?

WOW. Immpressive. Etoo... Raito kun will be tempting Kyouko with his Death Note, saying that she can easily get rid of Shou with the flick of her pen... And Kyouko will be goin' all Princess Underworld... liking the ideas of killing Shou in various ways and getting away with it. I see... Raito kun and Kyouko become a very nice match. WOOO! Cool fan-fiction weiyh! Oh yea.. and Harry will be just staring into space.. being quiet... and looking down at his meal..... thinking that using that Death note is a convinient way to kill Voldermort. :D


8. 3 challenges 10 for a duel. What happens?

And Merlin shall fall.... due to the ultra-awesomeness of NANA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!


9. If 1 could steal 9's most precious thing, how 9 could get it back?

With his abnormal detective skills... pfft. <.<

10. Suggest a title for the tale, where 7 and 12 get the thing they always wanted?

REVENGE OF THE PURE HEARTS

11. What would you think up (in storyline) if you want, that 4 and 1 would be together?

OMG. MORE SUPER COOL/WEIRD FANFICS! YAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaOoooooooOOOOOOOIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIiiiiiiii Anyway, one day, Gintoki just gets back from his adventure.. he seperated from Shinpachi and Kagura and visited his favorite shop that sells the most delicious, splendid, beautiful, sweet, extravagant stawberry parfait in the whole universe. But unfortunately they just ran out of strawberries... dakara, no strawberry parfait for Gin chan. Sugar deprived, he asked the waitress who got the last strawberry parfait, and the waitress pointed at this guy... with black hair and white shirt, sitting in an abnormal manner (i suck at writing, so just deal with it. =.=) L noticed the puppy dog eyes of Gintoki and sat there, staring back athim silently. 10 mins pass and they still were staring at each other, until finally Gintoki broke the silence and said "if you share that lovely starwberry parfait with me, I shall lend you my JUMP... and give you half of my secret choco stash!!!" With nothing to lose, L said "OK" and the lovely couple shared the lucious strawberry parfait together. The end.

12. If 7 could visit you in the weekend, how could you spend your time?

Play quidditch... and "accidently" hit Harry hard on the face... a couple of times... >D

13. If you could order 3 to do one thing for you, what kind of thing would it be?

Be my ultra-cool big sister and teach me the guitar! (ok, that was 2.. so what? =.=)

14. Is someone from your friends draws or writes about 11?

Hhahaha, that would be Kay... XD

15. If 2 would have to choose between 4 and 5, who would s/he choose?

My God... its like FATE how i put these characters in order.. :P
Well, love rules them all! Raito kun! I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM! Even when you have to pick between him and the powerful hell girl! Hahahhaahhaha!!

16. What could be 10's battle scream?

WHY IS THIS MY FAAAAATEE????!!!!!!!!!???! (gets his head straight) FOR CAMELOT!!!!! FOR ARTHUR!!! <--- youknowwhatimthinking~ XDlol

17. If you could choose the song that represents 8, what song could that be?

I have no idea why... but, Discoteque-U2 lol

18. 1, 6 and 12 are sitting in dark, chinese restaurant. There's only one pancake left and everyone reach for it in last while... Finish it.

But Kyouko notices Dean and Gintoki both want it, so she reluctantly backs off.. meanwhile, both Dean and Gin are barking at each other while trying to get one another distracted by yelling random things. Finally Dean takes out his gun and Gin takes out his sword and decide to duel it out. Kyouko asks them nicely to keep it down and to share the last pancake but she gets rudely ignored. Dean starts shooting like hell as Gin manages to dodge the bullets, but accidently hits Kyouko. Being pissed off, Kyouko the turns EVILER-THAN-SADAKO-SAMA nad beats the crap out of both Dean and Gintoki, while taking the pancake and feeding it to her evil devil auras.

19. What could tell 2 to 10, if he would want to go on date with him/her?

I can treat you better than Arthur. Come and join me~ We can create a better world together.. by my side~

20. For what most likely the 5 could be arrested?

Mass murder.

21. What is 6's secret?

He enjoyed hell, and f*** an angel. D<

22. If 11 and 9 would race, who would be first?

duhh~ Kagura chan of course. hahaha, she'll be so in frontof midget conan I can imagine her running backwards and teasing him.. showing him dumbass faces and going "Useless megane-midget aru! Go suck milk and grow taller aru!"

23. 1 and 9 reluctantly save the world together, from the secret organisation ruled by 4. 11 offers them their help, but later it is shown that he's 4's spy in reality. In the meantime, 4 kidnaps 12, to force them to surrender. Guided by 5's wise advice, they are looking for 3, which gives them what they need to finish their quest. What title could you give to this fanfic? Choose 3 people from friends list who could read it. Choose one, who could write it..
(im gonna ignore the read/write part lol!! XD)

And I call it... "In Pursuit of Justice" fck yea, i ripped that off, but you think i really care? BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! >D >D

And I shall tag more than 3 ppl! In fact, I shall tag specifically! Because I am an evil person! hahahahahaha

And the victims are: *drumroll*

- Shagy the Ratu Shark Poyo
- Shounen Neko Masahiro
- Mizz Pinku Joanne
- Kuro Kuro Kurocherub Chan
- Kay, Master of ze Chiii-kens
- Rocker Tegar Hiro Echi Hebiwolf <-- XD i know this will annoy you like hell.. I AM EVIL! And update your blogla! D< - Neko Musume Lulu Onee chan
- Root of all things boring virus hongo kanata lover vivi chan
- (also, for some reason)Always number 2 spammer Wen
- Halo stealer HeavenDeavil
- KacangNami ImanNut

I Murdered A Snail This Morning...

Sorry snail.. I terpijak you.. gomen ne~ hahahaaha You were just there at the wrong place and wrong time... Dah geli-geli sial sisa² mayat kamu. Hahahaha, aku xmo kemas~ Let the force of nature take you to your final resting place.. See you in Peach Hell. Heh. Yesterday dh la hujan gle lebat sampai dpn rumah naik air.. ngaaaaa!! Bodoh je nk hanyutkn kasut baru aku. Good thing sempat nak selamatkn~ And Si Siput nye kaum baby² sume kluar.. eeeeeee... gle geli-geli weiyh!!! I don't know why all of a sudden my house got so many snails... tahap karma nye bangang.. 

Anyway, enough talking about snails.

Starting from now on till (hopefully) Friday night, I shall officially be on the brink of insanity, trying hard to finish up my assignments as this is my final week of the semester. I want to get this all finished with and get all the crap past me, so next week I can just... continue my life, sleeping the hours away and doing nothing proactive whatsoever till the wee hours in the morning.. uuuuu... can't wait!!

Jyaa, byebye for now~ ♥