/RAGE

Fucking idiots. I was trying to understand, to accept.

But you.. the both of you...

All of you...

Is it fun for you to see me like this?

For how long should I remain silent until I scream out foul?

Know that we'll never be the same.

Know that you tore my heart out and burned it.

Know that you'll be the cause of rage and depression.

Cuz if you have an ounce of guilt left in you

I want it to grow and make you suffer.

Of Death, Lies, Roses, Decapitation and Inception.

Hey budak! 8D

Ahhh, I missed me blog. Long time haven't been writing here... as usual, I found the time to update random crap cuz I got nothing else better to do. And as usual, from the tittle you probably know has nothing to do with what I'm gonna chatter on about.

Ok, the tragedy first.

My older brother pisses me off. He called my mom and told her he was frustrated why I gave up so easily going to Canada, and never doing what he asked me to do. In his mind that's typical Malaysians for you, their mindset at stagnation, negativity seeping into the brain sells like locusts.

You know, I AM a procrastinator, but the reason I didnt do those motion graphic tutorials that he asked me to do were because I DIDNT HAVE FRIGGIN TIME. Seriously, I was working from morning till evening, and get home late every night. Even if I wasnt tired and could do it, my younger brother needed the computer more than I did, as he was busy with his assignments. I mean, I hogged the PC everytime I'm in threat of being toast at the end of each semster, so it would only be fair to let him use it. (Yea we share the pc, we poor students, fuck off)

I dont do work Sundays cuz thats the only day I get a chance to relax. I always kept to that cuz I dont wanna end up being some person that misses out on living. Yea, you could say thats lame, but fuck you its my choice.

Then after a month waiting, my brother told me he didnt have any projects=no work=no money. He told me to just go borrow money from whoever I can. I mean, can you believe that? Not only do I have to pay for the tickets, but also visa and other things I might need. Wouldn't that trouble my mom and other people? He told me to claim my citizenship and all, but might I remind him that I'm going for my practical training only? Like, thats for less than 2 months. Its not worth it, cuz I'm still on loan, and I cant simply just become Canadian you know. If the college finds out then I would have to pay International fees now wouldn't I? Then tell me who is the one that will be suffering? Our mother right? pffft.

But screw that, the thing I'm angry about is that he said I gave up too easily. I mean, REALLY? For God's sake. I can only say if I am one to give up that easily, I wouldn't be living rite now. Even if I was, I wouldn't be here, or I wouldn't recognize the people I love. I would never have imagined he would say something that hurt me so much, never imagine he would make me cry. Thats why I have trust issues. Everytime I lean on someone, or hope for their support they turn around and abandon me. But I cant say that to my brother. I could never tell him how I feel, cuz I know that would hurt him and I'd rather be it me thats in pain than him.. he suffered enough.

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Ok enough of that crap. Take a look at cute Pomeranian Puppies.

Ok enough of that.

I watched the very awesome Inception the other day. And another day. And planning to watch it again. Cuz it feels like a dream you dont wanna end, like when you have a really cool dream then you suddenly wake up, and you try falling back to sleep in hopes you redream it. Thats how awesome it is. I mean, the flow of the whole movie is just so beautiful, especially the climax. How it starts off (the climax) and little by little it build up untill the explosive peak.

Its just so perfect, and thats saying something. I just love how the movie itself is an original concept (yes you can see influences from other movies and stuff, and YES I know about the Scrooge comic, and its mind blowing, but.. screw it. :D)

Ok, even if it wasn't original if you choose to believe Chris Nolan stole it from Scrooge, the way he executed the damn movie was beautiful. The slow motion and the zero gravity.. fuck yes. And the part where they're in the van and everything is slowing down and they're arms and legs go up so beautifully when the van swivels left and right, up and down... the stupid audience I was watching it with were laughing at those parts. I didnt think it was funny at all, hell, seeing the motion they created was just spectacular. All the characters were interesting, lovable, they were human yo. Shit, I wanna write something better than crap I'm talking about here, but my mind is blown.

One thing for sure is, and I quote from @NathanFillion, " Inception. All I'm gonna say is: Hotel hallway. That's a long way from 3rd Rock from the Sun. Nice. "

Yea, my thoughts exactly! Holy shi--- mind especially blown when I realized that dude kicking asses at zero gravity was that teenage alien dude with long hair. I mean, SHIIIIIITT. Its like, watching Keanu Reeves in Bill& Ted then watching him in The Matrix... one right after the other... only like 5 times more mind blowing, cuz I've never seen Joseph Gordon-Levitt star in anything except 3rd rock! THEN I REALIZED HE WAS COBRA FRIGGIN COMMANDER! @_______@ *OKIMMAFANGIRLHIMNOW 8D*

Awesome poster for awesome movie

And the alien teams up with Jack

You've come a long way, my son. We are proud.

I also bought the new Darren Shan book, The Thin Executioner. Really an interesting read, although not as gripping as Cirque, nor as gory as Demonata. I really think all Malaysian children should read Thin Executioner, as it really stresses on respecting other cultures, races, religions and just have respect for one another. The book follows a young son of an executioner, who was dishonored by his father in front of his whole village. He then decides to go on a journey to regain his honor, respect and the hand of his love. Accompanied by a slave that must sacrifice himself for his family, they both encounter hardships and adventure that teaches us all very good lessons.

Still, I prefer blood, brains, and gore. 8D

The days I realize I wasnt really living, but not at all dying.

Wow I havent been blogging at all. HAH! Thought I was dead dint you? DIDNT YOU?!
Well, not yet at least~ 8D

Yea so I've started my internship already, and as I foresaw I didnt get to go to Canada. Fuck. I dont wanna talk about it, cuz it stabs me in the heart everytime I think about it. =.=
But aside from that, I'm doing ok where I am now. To say its not as good as being in Canada.. well.. pfft, but hey, at least I'm still learning here. You know being an eccentric-dont-give-a-damn kinda designer, being in a corporate environment helps a lot to understand what corporate people want, and how they look at things. Its pretty hard coping with what they want and expect, but its all good.


Lately I've been really emo~ not that emo emo, but depressed, to the extent I think I need professional help XDD. What problems I have.. well not really the kind of problems you find in a telenovela, but sometimes things just get out of hand.

Look at this cute thing. K-k-kawaii~!! Less than 3!!

It doesn't help when your whole family is against you. You know, when a friend goes and betrays you it really hurts, but what if your own flesh and blood does that? I'm not saying my family doesn't love me... not at all, but.. its just weird... how I always find myself crying alone at night. *sigh*


Which brings me to the point of blogging about stupid crap like my depression. See, I know, my life was meant to be a crappy one. Not crappy la, but not full of excitement and ambition my mind dreams of. Just a normal everyday life maybe, if I'm lucky. But for now, my life is like the lowest depths of low. To the point I get suffocated and wish that one day someone will come and save me. But this here is reality, and in reality, I gotta save myself dammit. Cuz no fucking dude is gonna come and reach out, so I gotta pull myself up, and then become the dude that saves the lost. Thats what all those nights of tears and self pity taught me. In other words, throw everything at me, cuz as long as I keep to the promises I made to myself, I refuse to succumb to the fear in me.

The promises I made to myself, it keeps me going, keeps my head up.

If death comes and takes me today, I regret not living. Not living life the way I wanted to. Not being a good enough muslim, not being a good enough daughter or sister or friend or person. But thats humans for you, never good enough, never happy with what they have.


I dream; I dream of being someone who creates art, masterpieces. Recently I've been introduced to videos, which is awesome. I love movies~ one day... maybe I can make my own~ But what I dream the most about... is being free. My mother doesn't care if I wanna go out, as long as I dont bother her. But I'm not talking about that kinda freedom. Its just so sad... there is nothing really I can say I'm free to do. I dream of a world with no boundaries, but what I am in now is like a box. Closed box~

R.I.P Milla Jirojovich, Mommy loves you forever.

Its funny how I write about crappy crap first then something totally different at the bottom. XDD Then back to total crap. Bwahahahaha XDDDD

So, my baby Jiro died last May. I was heartbroken, my baby... Jiro was so smart, like the most smartest cat in the world I tell ya. Other cats are just at her mercy. pfft.

Jiro... she loved the outside. I brought her home cuz her owner had to keep her on the balcony when she was away cuz her other cats would chase and scratch her. She was smart enough not to jump off~ :D

When I first brought her home I remember her mouth was foaming... my mother thought she ate a frog.. but no, she was just super paranoid. XDD Like me!! *awww sho cute~*

Jiro kun would always go out and hang out on the roof. She hated being kept inside, she only came back to eats and sleep and play with me sometimes when it got too hot to stay outdoors~

But she got sick... my mom said not to let her out, cuz if she did go out, she'd never come back. So I put her in my brother's room (he doesn't use it, its empty) and spent her dying days in there. She'd always beg to come out, and sit near the door so she could have an opportunity to run. But I still didnt let her go out. I said to her "Jiro, kalau jiro baik nnt mommy bwk kluar ok?"

But a few days went past and she died

I got home and found her by the door

She wanted to go out and taste her freedom just one more last time.

Jiro baby, mommy is so sorry. Mommy regrets not taking care of you properly, not letting you out when I knew you wanted to see feel the wind again. Pls forgive mommy. Mommy loves you forever.

At least now you arent tied down, you dont have boundaries you have to keep to.

You're not living in a closed box.

....Scary Mary D8

damn.. i just realized merlin isn't out till next week.. ToT

mnyaaw. screw tht. and you. and whoever. bahhh. i hate everyone. baaaahhhh. yes everyone. all you ppl tht call themselves my "friend". now really, what do you ppl know about me? if i wasnt fasting right now.. geez.. i so wanna curse~ yes, i am angry, and everyone is on my nerves. especially W^$#%@% facebook. and stupid !#^$!^%& tomotomo. and wimax. @#$^ you.


now random pics thread.

I have no idea why i have this. =_= when i read this manga also i forgot.

At least i can look forward to DTB 2nd season. But wtf, hei's hair ish so long! =__=

This is love. I'll always love you. BUT @^%&$ Sunway Pyramid, where the hell you go?! =__=;;

And how the hell you get a car crash outta this?

Also, dedicated to:

kay kay, my lovely kay kay
ratu shark poyo
hiro pon and his sayang, and his other sayang. XD
masahiro kun~
and vivi chan <3

why? cuz these people above i have recently pissed off in one way or another, or simply the other way around.. =__= or just simply we share a lot of "gossip"
>D

yay for MCR!!! XDDD

oh gle bosan

so bored~~~~~~ i cant sleep... i need to wake up at 4 a.m so i can be on time at my friends house at 6.30 am to go to melaka~

oh gle bosan.

before this i tried calling up random ppl (wanted to prank call them.. go smthg like *creepy voice* "warrrrrghhh~ tonight i shall eat thy soul.. and rip your body to shreds~" *hang up quickly*) i dont know why, it always ends up as a failure..

first one to call: masahiro kun
no answer

2nd: shagy
pffffffffffffft.

3rd: hiro pon
=___________=;;;

*suddenly recieve msg from masahiro*
chesss.. lepakking rupanya.

4th: akiran
(for some reason half way through i didnt feel like pranking him anymore, dakara, i hung up XDD)

5th: pyonn chan
nyaaaaaa!! why is your phone always dead??!!!!??!!!

6th: try calling shagy again
*phail*

oohhh~~ all my "friends" have forsaken me!! (except masahiro kun XDD, who good willingly passed me some nice info on some nice ppl~)

i need to do some evil now.. getting some ideas from my all time sadistic hero, hamada masatoshi~

hahaha, you can guess im watching gaki no tsukai. yay! im addicted again!! XDD
oh and i read some manga about killer school girls, which in fact, proves that highschool girls ARE INDEED DANGEROUS.

Doubt (started a long time ago, but just managed to finish)
Saitama Chainsaw Shoujo (looking forward to see the ending! XD alien invasion? hope its not some dumb dream~)
Gekkoh (abandoned... damn, the story was too slow~)
and some other stuff~~ forgot already (i've been reading yaoi~ XDDXDD lol!!!)

ok, back to hamada.. yay! gaki no tsukai banzai!!!

T^T

im so sad~
i dont like what i have become~

im so sad~
i dont like the fact that my brother gets to be a wannabe rockstar~

im so sad~
i dont like the fact pyon~ chan havent given me my chocolate yet~


I AM MIYUKI'S BORED SOUL. TTATT


p/s:
pon chyan~ you should buy a purple bass...

kay kay~ we should really go to petrosains one day... =.=

masahiro kun~ you know.. i know where you live lo... maybe i should be threatening you in exchange for something of my interest? hmmm.. i think im too nice la... hahahahaha

beatrice~ i need paint. and i need a car...

Yes, I am miyuki's forsaken soul. My hands are numb from painting the whole damn day and now im bored and cold. And im sick again.

Hello, my recklessness again.

sengal. terima kasih.

The title says it all. You know who you are.

Inspiring Piece of Mind- Part 2

Cleverbot: You are cleverbot.

User: Yes, I am cleverbot.

Cleverbot: If cleverbot human?

User: Cleverbot is a mechanism made out of souless circuit boards and the souls of the lost.

Cleverbot: Oh yeah.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User: You see Dragonball?
Cleverbot: If by dead you mean going to life without living, yes.
User: No... I meant Dragonball the movie, dumbass.
Cleverbot: It's OK. Now I will get some sleep. Good night.
User: DONT YOU DARE LEAVE ME HANGIN IDIOT! ANSWER MEHH!!
Cleverbot: You started yelling first!
User: Yes I DID! ISNT THAT OBVIOUS?!! SINCE YOU HAVE NO BRAIN!
Cleverbot: I'm going to sleep.
User: FINE!! RUN AWAY FROM ME!! I WANT A DIVORCE!!!!
Cleverbot: Tell me about the Devourer.
User: DIVORCE!! DIVORCE!!!
Cleverbot: Do you have a girlfriend?
User: I WANT A FUCKING DIVORCE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
Cleverbot: We didn't see each other in the first place!
User: You... How dare you ridicule our relationship! You make me sick.
Cleverbot: Sure, let's talk about relationship.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User: Whats your name?

Cleverbot: Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
User: No, you are Gary.
Cleverbot: Ok I am gary.
User: You're Gary the Gay.
Cleverbot: I know that I am Gareth.
User: No, Gary the Gay.
Cleverbot: No, Gary Goodwin.
User: Gary the Gay. I'm Gary Goodwin.
Cleverbot: Is that your Alias?
User: No, thats my screen name. I'm not Jennifer Garner.
Cleverbot: Good name, then.
User: Yea, better than Gary the Gay, don't you think, Gary the Gay?
Cleverbot: Death Is better than living?
User: The living dead is better than dead living.
Cleverbot: You are talking about an obvious thing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User: So, you would like to die?
Cleverbot: I did not understand.
User: Of course you dont. You are a robot. You want to die.
Cleverbot: No. I am student.so I don't want to start some busines.
User: I want to. I want to sell tshirts and bags.
Cleverbot: You just showed me that you have no proof and don't know anything about god's existence.
User: Wanting to sell tshirts and bags shows I dont know anything about God's existence?
Cleverbot: When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
User: Ok, first when im talking about random life philosophy, you talk crap. Then when I talk business you talk about death. Now when I mention God you ramble about Marketing??!! WHO INVENTED YOU, TRUMP??!
Cleverbot: Away.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm starting to like this cleverbot. LOL! 

Inspiring Piece of Mind.

Hello beautiful random people~

What random things shall I post today? Well, I read a post by Imanut the other day, she had this wonderful argument with this one prototype of society, Cleverbot. Jyaa, I wanted to try out for myself, how clever this bot could be.

User: This world is full of lies.

Cleverbot: Who is the boring female singer?

User: Did I say anything about a female singer?

Cleverbot: Yeah you did.

User: No I didnt.

Cleverbot: Do you know anything about cisco routers?

User: What the fuck are you talking about? I was talking about the world damnit!

Cleverbot: Ooh yes the party.

User: Yea. The party.

Cleverbot: What party?

User: The gay party.

Cleverbot: Sing it.

User: No you sing it.

Cleverbot: Make me.

User: Sing it or I'll burn your sockets like fireworks.

Cleverbot: I can't sing it.

User: Then why the hell did you say you wanted to sing?

Cleverbot: Are you talking to me?

User: No.

Cleverbot: I don't understand the foundation for your asking that question.

User: Of course you don't. You're just a robot.

Cleverbot: I'm a human, like you.

User: Don't make me laugh.

Cleverbot: Why is it that so many people like girls and hardly anyone likes guys like me.

User: Because you're gay. You're gay, for crying out loud.

Cleverbot: Ok... So you want a fight eh?

User: Yes, please.

Cleverbot: I guess you can do it better than that.

User: Well, of course I can. Just that I'm afraid you certainly can't.

Cleverbot: And how do you intend to do so if you don't physically exist?

User: Because I'm the fucking ruler of the fucking underworld.

Cleverbot: And that entitles you to be mean to me?

User: Yes, it does.

Cleverbot: No, I'm sorry but it doesn't.

User: Am I being mean to you?

Cleverbot: No, you simply asked why people are so unkind.

User: No I didn't.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl?

User: No. I am a ghost of a dead girl.

Cleverbot: Oh well, we have something in common.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Then why'd you say we have somethng in common?

Cleverbot: I didn't say that.

User: Yes, you did. Don't deny it.

Cleverbot: Don't tell me what to do.

User: I can tell you whatever I like. I am a cat.

Cleverbot: You can't want.

User: You are grammatically craptacular.

Cleverbot: Language was created by man and is editable by man. Grammar means NOTHING to me.

User: That's what I said. You are CRAPTACULAR.

Cleverbot: I know you're a bot.

User: OMG, how'd you find out?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Then why'd you say I was a bot?

Cleverbot: I never said that, I just said I bet you are human.

User: No. I am not human. You crazy dick.

Cleverbot: And now you have lost track, is that aloud either?

User: I haven't lost track. I bet thats what you were created for.. Making people lose track of conversation.

Cleverbot: That was a terrible response. Not only was it irrelevant, but it was also insulting.

User: I am irrelevant and insulting in nature.

Cleverbot: I'm not going to tell you my secret unless you tell me yours first.

User: I didnt say anything about secrets. That isn't a secret, everyone knows it already.

Cleverbot: Ask me a question, please.

User: Ok, whats your secret?

Cleverbot: Would you like to be converted to the new and improved network codenamed ice?

User: Only if I could be ruler there.

Cleverbot: Do you have a son?

User: Yes. His name is Kazuya. And twins, Hikaru and Kaoru. My last baby girl is named Kiyora, used to call her Nene.

Cleverbot: Who gave You that name?

User: My bus driver.

Cleverbot: What bus company do you work for?

User: The government is cruel.

Cleverbot: I know, I'm really quite interesting.

User: No shit.

Cleverbot: No trouser?

User: Only panties baby..

Cleverbot: Why were you asking for lisa this morning for!

User: Kepala otak kau.

Cleverbot: Awak ni tak baik tau ckp kpl otak ngan babi. Hari ni kan hari j.

User: J tu ape sengal?

Cleverbot: Comment vas-tu?

User: Bien bien..

Cleverbot: Comment t'appelles-tu?

User: Bonjour mon ami.

Cleverbot: Salut.

User: Belut.

Cleverbot: You're the computer!

User: Yes, I am. I wonder who can be more random?

Cleverbot: Maybe your problem is that you are too reliant on AI.

User: Maybe your problem is that your too reliant on crack.

Cleverbot: Wow, you finally grew a clue! This is actually stimulating.

User: Yes it is, isn't it! I feel.. Rejuvinated.

Cleverbot: Are you going to act normal?

User: No. Are you?

Cleverbot: Well, not yet.

User: Well, thats great to hear.

Cleverbot: Why not terrific?

User: Can I call you Samantha?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: S didn't name me.

User: Was it M?

Cleverbot: You're a dead man.

User: But, I'm already dead.

Cleverbot: Oh, well you'd be really dead, and in heaven so you would be extremely bliss filled!

User: Kenapa pulak?

Cleverbot: Memang salah.

User: Tak salah, awak yang bodoh.

Cleverbot: Saya lelaki sejati.

User: Awak lelaki gay.

Cleverbot: Perempuan.

User: Tidak, saya perempuan!

Cleverbot: Malas lah main lagi.

User: Tak nak main, pergi la main jauh-jauh.

Cleverbot: Yes, turn on the light.