I hate you all, you know. But I love you.

I see you hiding with your tears
This song is written for you
It bends into your story
Everytime its played over

Energy lifts up from the trees, my heart
Fitting the ears listening

A golden glitter thread weaving
Into the garment of tears
Spinning and releasing your thoughts
Untucking the moment from your heart

Love Love Love
Here they come, my lambent fireflies
Surrounding you, lighting up your trail
Love Love Love
Close your eyes, were all under the same sky
You have me
Whoever you are
I love you.

Everyone is included
Take your time if you need rest
Fall asleep, Ill watch over you
Youll wake when youve had enough

Energy lifts up from the soil, flowers
Turning distress to strength

Whatever you do, dont give a damn what they say
You are wonderful just the way you are
Cant stop whats coming your way

Love Love Love
From highlands whispering out, calling your name
Brightening your north star
Love Love Love
Close your eyes, lets dance together all night
You dont need anything
This is real to me

Love Love Love
From highlands whispering out, calling your name
Brightening your north star
Love Love Love
Here they come, my lambent fireflies
Surrounding you, lighting up your trail
Love Love Love
Close your eyes
Were all under the same sky
You have me
Whoever you are
I love you.

"It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years, I had roses, and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An Inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you. -Valerie"

A Little Girl's First Experience with Alcohol

Ehm, not me. XD

But earlier today I went to the supermarket and while at the cashier, I saw this elderly man give his Jolly Shandy to his young daughter, maybe around 7 or 8. The guy finished most of it and gave the little that was left for the girl to taste... so the girl took it enthusiastically and had a sip, then ran to the other kids waiting outside.

All the other kids were so amazed... they were like "waahh... what does it taste like??" and the little girl took another sip, made a face and went "gaahh!"

I wonder if that made her drunk? XD

Speaking of little girls, yesterday me go lepakking with my favorite punchbag/kekasih, shagy! XD
Jalan2 at alamanda~ heheheeh shagy belanja me waffles at waffle station... My God, it was the best!! Imagine... a beautiful fluffy waffle with 4 SCOOPS OF VANILLA ICE CREAM, Fudge, banana, peach, blueberries and strawberry topping. VERY HAPPY DESU! XDXDDD
Then we went o watch G.I Joe.. with shagy's other kekasih. Pfffft. I'm so much better dammit. Anyway, while waiting for 7 o'clock (thats when the movies started) we sat outside... tch. Well, that part was boring. I dont get her boyfriend really.. its like in 2 hours he could smoke like 1 box of cigarettes! (Ok, exageratting a bit, but HE DOES SMOKE A LOT!!) and im sorry to say, i couldnt really understand what the hell he was talking about~ He spoke with a kinda slurrrrrrrr~.. hahahaha

The funny part was he didnt know shagy's past... so he thought me and her were collegemates. Hahaha, you know, thats just asking to be played by me. When I told him we met in high school he actually asked where we studied...LOL!!! Apa lagi... Sarawak desu. XDD

Anyway, eventhough I may not like the guy, he makes my stupid girl happy... haiiiiihh.. what to do? Layan je la... Orang bercinta ni.. susah nak sogok.. so why bother? I've tried so many times already.. Bwaaaaaaaahhh... the girl is still happy with him. Fine, if he makes her feel that way... im... (reluctantly) ok with it. hahaha ske laa tu shagy. bodoh kau.

Which reminds me of the conversation i had with her yesterday.. about her classmate Munzir. His cousin and shagy got scandal a while back... hahaha, dah nk msk meminang lak tu. XDD
And for some reason during high school me kena bahan me and munzir got scandal.. im always like "WTF?!" hahahaha good times, good times~

So, shagy was telling me (something like this laaa :P):

Shagy: Weiyh, munzir ade contact aku dowh. Aku tanye die single lg ke?
Die ckp alaaa hana xnk kt aku~

me: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
gle bangang kawan kao.

shagy: Hahahaha, pastu aku ckp "Ko xde tanye~ cmne die nk taw?"
die kate, "alaa.. hana tu fhm2 je laaaa~"

me: kepala hotakkkk korg. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Anyway, ASL LAAA KORG NAK JUGAK UNGKIT NAMA AKU HAH??!!! SIAL LAAAAA!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, funny la. Long time havent laughed like that~

To munzir, if you're still short, me dont want you. You know why? CUZ I STILL REMEMBER YOU SAYING IM NOT A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL REMEMBER FOREVER!!!!!!!!

**hahaha, jk, jk. All my posts have been so emo, i thought why not trying to post something happy. Well, aparently im phailing.

Anyway, back to little girls. After the movie, me and shagy round2 alamanda.. then we passed Famous Amos~ a little girl was there. She was asking her daddy to buy her ice cream while making a suggestive gesture with her hands at *ehm* suggestive place~

me: *look at shagy*
shagy: *looks at me*
both: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!
*run away*

haiihhh.. little girls these days....

p/s: SHAGY PAKAI 2 SPECK!!!! XDXDDD 1 kt t-shirt, another....... LOL
(inside joke, folks)

When The Stars Fade Away....

Rain of stars by ~Mar-ka on Deviantart

Stop Crying Your Heart Out
Oasis

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

'Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (i'm not scared)
You'll never change what's been and gone

'Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

'Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

p.s: i do what i do cuz i love you too.

I am.... the light at the edge of your depression.

Heyya again...

Im sitting here in this CC trying to pass the time for 3 hours and find myself getting mood swings.

The post earlier... I sounded harsh. I shouldn't be taking it out on the little ppl that care for me.
Yes, life's a bitch. But somewhere inside, (incredibly) i still have hope.

And well... I accidentally read and watched smthg that reminded me of that. pfft~

Anyway, that reminded me of a nice song... I'm reminded of my brother everytime I listen to it...
He used to sing it to me when I was small... God, I miss him~ :)



Don't Look Back in Anger
Oasis

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you've never been
But all the things that you've seen
They slowly fade away

So I'll start a revolution from my bed
'Cuz you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside, summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And so, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows
Where nobody knows if it's night or day
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a rock and roll band
Who'll throw it all away

I'm gonna start a revolution from my bed
'Cuz you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside, 'cuz summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
'Cuz you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And so, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as she's walking on by
My soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say

(guitar solo)

So, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say

So, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as she's walking on by
My soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
I heard you say
At least not today.

Hello, Mr.Brightside.

Finally, I'm done for this semester. All my final coursework I did cincai only. WTF, I give up. Now all I need to do is to upload my crummy personal website on a server and I'll be free from Segi... until March 23, that is. Bwaahhh, and my animation lecturer even gave us some advice before we parted ways.. more like warning though... "Next sem someone else is gonna teach you guys. Its a Chinese fellow. Strange guy. Very strict, cannot play² in his class. He wont be giving you any chances like me (stares at me XD). His standard: Final Fantasy."

OMG, I'm freakin doomed. T^T

Anyway, this last day was both happy, and very depressing. Sucidal depressing. Shall I ramble what the hell happened to me here? Umm.. maybe some other time. You know, my head is always up in space. I barely come down..its so peaceful up there.. part of the reason why I'm always out is because once I get back down to Earth I think I become depressed.. well, I'm not sure about that, but one thing's for sure that I have a psychological problem of some sort.. 0.o'' Anyway, by going into blank blur mode I think helps me stay sane.. XP

Surprised? Lol, I've had so many countless times finding myself crying alone in a bathroom stall, It's become like a monthly thing to me. (BEWARE! Beginning to get all emo all of a sudden~)
I find myself being abandoned by everyone I depend on, thats why now I don't trust anyone. My parents, my brothers, my friends. Everytime, I find myself alone. Is it because I don't open up to people? But how can I? I don't trust anyone, so how can I tell them my problem? I don't even tell my best friend.. Does that make me a bad friend for not trusting her? Is it that I'm scared of being hurt again that I stay away from those who "care" for me? DO they even care? Who am I to them???? If my father could leave me like he did, then why shouldn't others do the same?


. . . .

I think I'm psycho-ing myself.


Oh yea, thats the first time I publicly said my father left me. OMG, I'm getting teary eyed. XDXDlol, Maybe some other time I can get more off my mind. I'm not used to expressing what I'm feeling. hahahahaahaha. So, random people from the internet that randomly came across this blog, I'm sorry I emo-ed half way throug my post. This one was supposed to be the happy one. Dammit. pfft. yea I suck, but who cares, this is MY BLOG, WHERE I RULE. BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nonetheless, whatever crappy things happen to me, I'll still try and look for the rainbow after the storm

Hello, Mr.Brightside :)