I think I'm depressed. =.=''
Seriously~ Haaaaah.....I'm tired already. Mentally tired. I've had enough, I want out.
You know, these past few days have been stressing for me. One thing that is getting to me is my 3dmodelling work.
Well, I guess it suits me right for delaying and procrastinating so much. Damn, after my internet got cut only I realized how damn lazy I really am. For God's sake, imagine me sleeping or doing random stupid stuff instead of working on my 3dmodelling.. I mean, I do realize the fact that I keep delaying finishing it is because of something mentally bugging me, but, damn, 3 weeks! 3 WEEKS!!! arrghhh... and then when I DO WANNA START doing it, suddenly my pc got problem la... what the fcking hell la? Seriously, i cant take it!
Then yesterday I didn't know what I should do... keep quiet and ponteng my animation class today, or tell my lecturer, Dictator Ching and face him today~
I was actually scared... i knew what i should do, but i dont know why, i just couldn't find the answer. It may seem like nothing, ponteng class, and really, it isn't.. (hahhahhahahahahaha) but, you know, sometimes... its better to face your problems and be honest to yourself. My lecturer, he knew I had problems with modelling and so far, he has been helpful and tolerant throughout all the weeks I took to finish the first assignment. Bahhhh, I guess I ffel like I'm cheating myself in this subject. I know I can do it, but I just dont wanna do it. I suck, I hate myself for that.
Its funny, while I was thinking about what I should do, I suddenly was reminded of Hiro pon~ hahaha XD
ehemmm... Its cuz everytime I get myself into trouble like this I go emo and bitch about it to him... XDXDXD lol
Then he tells me what I should do, but then go "Oh, I know that.. just bitchin"...I mean.. whats the point? XDXD Aiyahh.. idiot...
Anyway, its like, when I'm faced with a problem, I know what I'm supposed to do.. but last night, I was such in a state of despair, I wanted to cry.. I felt helpless for some reason.. If I'm doing whats right, then why am I crying? Then it hit me. I had no faith in myself.
And thus continued with the thoughts of deadly despair, at the same time trying to cancel them out and think positive. After a while I was ok though, hahaha, and dictator-san said it was ok, but he said that I'll have to finish everything before the end of June, and get an A, or fail. Yea, A or FAIL. Nothing in between. XDXD lol *swt*
I decided to come today. Though I was depressed the whole time. I got a little "panic" or "anxiety"or something like that in class.. hahaha~ maybe not a real attack la, but I was worried and thinking bad thoughts till I couldn't control my feelings and cried~ T*T
I feel stupid now~~ grrrrrr.....
Anyway, now, I officially pledge my alliance to the Communist Dictator!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! *not a communist la, just saying XP*
*Looks at what I just wrote*
I'm damn messed up la. And annoying. And really.. WTFH?
Now.. where'd my ignorance go....? XD
No comments:
Post a Comment