/RAGE

Fucking idiots. I was trying to understand, to accept.

But you.. the both of you...

All of you...

Is it fun for you to see me like this?

For how long should I remain silent until I scream out foul?

Know that we'll never be the same.

Know that you tore my heart out and burned it.

Know that you'll be the cause of rage and depression.

Cuz if you have an ounce of guilt left in you

I want it to grow and make you suffer.

When the World is Kind, but Reality Stays Cruel

This life... its such a bitch.

Everytime you think you have everything under control for the first time.. it turns around and smacks you in the face. "Haha Loser"

Oh fuck you life.

Its not that I aint grateful... but you know the feeling when you have no idea what you're doing? As in, wheres the life you live? Like wondering what the hell you've been doing all this time? *sigh* Such annoyance.. the people around me, my routine, my dreams, reality, my relationships with people... I wish there was more.






Again with the whiny ranting of how fucked up this life is. Fuck you its my blog I can say whatever I want. Yes I'm childish.

But you know what? There's a difference between being childish and being immature. I like to consider myself a childish adult. Why? Cuz I can take on the responsibility life throws at me. Unlike this person whom I will not name cuz it doesnt matter, lets just say this person is a guy. So this guy likes to ramble on about how fucked up life is, like me. :D But alas! This person's luck isn't as bad as mine. I'd like to state why, and what makes my life so difficult, but I dont feel comfortable talking about it on a public blog. I dont know what his life is messed up about, but I doubt he suffers as much as I do. Sure, he got his issues, but I'd think they're more to self-issued issue rather than life's fun way of saying "fuck you". Anyway, why compare him and me? Cuz this "guy".... just annoys me. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Sigh... well, when life throws you lemons... you just have to enjoy the sourness. Put it in your mouth and cry, but you'll feel something awesome. Bitter, sour, but ironically amusing. When you have a negative take on your so-called "fucked-up" life, when you say everything bad always happens to me... when you think bad luck is stalking you... you know.. just STFU. People have it worst than you, so just get on with your self pitying life. Like me, I like to ramble and pity myself a lot. Why? No one gives a fuck. So after emo-ing, I just carry on. I mean, lifes like that, you cant expect everything to be rolled out in front of you, unless you're privileged. Damn, I wished I was privileged. You can't call yourself a man if you keep pitying the way your life is. If you hate your life so much, than fucking change it. Whats stopping you, rite? Money? Relationships? Fuck all of them, its your life, go live it! Cuz no one's gonna live it for you.

One thing I learned from watching Doctor Who is to just forget it all, and go where your heart desires. Its scary, but I cant live static for the rest of my life. My mind wont allow me. If I'm destined to be poor the rest of my life, then I'd find other ways to take me places.







Having ties to someone.. its heavy. I watched that George Clooney movie, Up in The Air and his motivational philosophy intrigued me, about the backpack stuff. How heavy ties and bonds to other people are. The closer the heavier. Its true you know.... the more you care the more you feel dragged behind in life. But really, why do we do it? Why tie yourself to other people? Fear of dying alone? Fear of being forgotten? We all die alone. But what is life without cherishing it with someone?






There are 2 voices in my head. One is a really dark part of me. Has no emotions, has violent thoughts and just hates everything. Somehow I think, if this part of me ever takes over.. I will be a sociopath. I mean, I dont know how to prove I do have really really scary thoughts... some might say I'm just trying to be cool or something, like making it up. Yea I do have a thing for sociopaths (Sherlock, Dexter) but that doesn't mean I wanna be emotionless and act violent for no reason. And when I say I have depression I'm not lying. =w= FYI. But another part of me, remains human. The part of me that wants to believe the good in people, that wants to love everyone. That gives a damn.

So whats my point? Well, these 2 voices in my head.... are bugging me. Confusing me to the point I dont know whats right or wrong. To be reckless, to embrace the darkness that haunts me, or to be the caring aneue people turn to. Arghh my head is a soap opera. My best friend wants to be happy, I wanna see her happy. But I cant. Misery loves company? Or am I just jealous? Jealous of what? I always believed deep down the nicer part of me knows the answers, but is suppressed by the mean part....





I need a coke. =w=

Olivia's Greatest Hits

Olivia's Greatest Hits CD out!
I waaaaaaaaant!! Cuz I'm so in love with her!! X3

I'll edit and update later, wanna do something... posting before I forget.
Actually it has been out a couple of days now. LOL

p/s GERARD WAY IS HOT WITH RED HAIR.
kthxbye

MySpaceBulletins

Soundtrack to Your Life

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Opening Credits:
Empire State of Mind -Jay-Z& Alicia Keys
Waking Up:
Set Apart This Dream - Flyleaf
Average Day:
Uragiri No Yuuyake- Theatre Book
First Date:
Beautiful Day -u2
Falling In Love:
The Unforgiven -Metallica (lol)
Love Scene:
My Moon My Man - Feist
Fight Scene:
Pop Is Dead - Miyavi
Breaking Up:
Stars Shinig Out -Olivia
Getting Back Together:
Thats What You Get -Paramore
Secret Love:
Daybreaks Bell - Laruku
Life's Okay:
Buiiki kaesu!! - MTH
Mental Breakdown:
Hanabi -Ikimonogakari
Driving:
Brick by boring bricj -Paramore
Learning A Lesson:
Chizuru - Gazette
Deep Thought:
Escape the Flames -Olivia
Flashback:
Master of Puppets -Metallica
Happy Dance:
Shoot to Thrill -AC/DC
Regretting:
Blind Unicorn - Olivia
Long Night Alone:
Frozen -Celldweller
Death Scene:
Howling -Abingdon Boys School
Closing Credits:
Space Halo -Olivia (omg love! XD)

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!

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Save Me From the Fires of 1000 Suns

Today.. a little ranting about Linkin Park. Recently they've released their new single, The Catalyst off their upcoming album A Thousand Suns. So the thing is, fans have mixed views about their new single, and how the album is gonna sound like. LP's transition from their Hybrid Theory era to Minutes to Midnight have been speculated by fans, and honestly most people hate it. They want the old LP back, with all their Hybrid glory, and make rebellious music like they used to. So whats my take on this, as a die hard Lp fan?

As I mentioned on my twitter page;
"Maybe its fangirlism talking, but I get pissed when ppl talk crap about the new LP songs. They just dont get what they're trying to do~ Its what artistes do, evolve. Whats wrong with trying and experimenting with something fresh and new? And how could you expect them to make music like Hybrid Theory? Yes, Hybrid was brilliant, but they gotta move on. Maybe the new album isnt gonna be as brilliant as Hyrbid, but that doesnt mean theres less passion. I guess thats what sets them apart from other bands~ Either you love them, or you could STFU."


See, LP is both artist and artiste. What I mean is that they aren't just performers, but they're also you could say, practitioners of art. If you're an artist you can understand the need to change the comfort zone you're in. You want to experience different things, to evolve. It doesn't matter if other people like it or not, because its indulgent. Either you have the openness to love it, or you hate it for your own reasons. The thing that matters is that YOU love it, because its yours and you told your story. If that story could reach out to people, make them feel, make them understand, then you have gold. To compare LP as a musical performer to someone else, maybe they come off short as creating something as widely accepted and celebrated as Hybrid Theory. Some people might think they've lost their touch, and cant recreate that epicness, unlike some other performers who dont fail to release an equally good album.

In my opinion I think they CAN reproduce Hybrid Theory, but they DONT want to. What for? They arent the same people they were back then. They cant be going on about how the hate the world, or how people hate them~ I think the lyrics that they write now, about the issues of this world, are excellent. It gives people hope. And thats saying a lot, cuz I hate this world. I despise it. Hearing the lyrics gives me something to look forward tomorrow. Who are you to condemn them of giving people that? Anyway, these are my opinions only. Yeah I love them, but I also respect other people's opinions too. Imma fangirl, but I refuse to be one of those stupid annoying whores that love Twilight and Bieber and cant understand anything other than those 2 things.

I'm not a music or an art expert, but I do love LP and been loving them since One Step Closer, and I understand and appreciate what they're trying to do. So that being said, I'll be looking forward to A Thousand Suns that's coming out September 14th. As sure as hell I'll be buying it and you know I'll be loving it. ;D

Of Death, Lies, Roses, Decapitation and Inception.

Hey budak! 8D

Ahhh, I missed me blog. Long time haven't been writing here... as usual, I found the time to update random crap cuz I got nothing else better to do. And as usual, from the tittle you probably know has nothing to do with what I'm gonna chatter on about.

Ok, the tragedy first.

My older brother pisses me off. He called my mom and told her he was frustrated why I gave up so easily going to Canada, and never doing what he asked me to do. In his mind that's typical Malaysians for you, their mindset at stagnation, negativity seeping into the brain sells like locusts.

You know, I AM a procrastinator, but the reason I didnt do those motion graphic tutorials that he asked me to do were because I DIDNT HAVE FRIGGIN TIME. Seriously, I was working from morning till evening, and get home late every night. Even if I wasnt tired and could do it, my younger brother needed the computer more than I did, as he was busy with his assignments. I mean, I hogged the PC everytime I'm in threat of being toast at the end of each semster, so it would only be fair to let him use it. (Yea we share the pc, we poor students, fuck off)

I dont do work Sundays cuz thats the only day I get a chance to relax. I always kept to that cuz I dont wanna end up being some person that misses out on living. Yea, you could say thats lame, but fuck you its my choice.

Then after a month waiting, my brother told me he didnt have any projects=no work=no money. He told me to just go borrow money from whoever I can. I mean, can you believe that? Not only do I have to pay for the tickets, but also visa and other things I might need. Wouldn't that trouble my mom and other people? He told me to claim my citizenship and all, but might I remind him that I'm going for my practical training only? Like, thats for less than 2 months. Its not worth it, cuz I'm still on loan, and I cant simply just become Canadian you know. If the college finds out then I would have to pay International fees now wouldn't I? Then tell me who is the one that will be suffering? Our mother right? pffft.

But screw that, the thing I'm angry about is that he said I gave up too easily. I mean, REALLY? For God's sake. I can only say if I am one to give up that easily, I wouldn't be living rite now. Even if I was, I wouldn't be here, or I wouldn't recognize the people I love. I would never have imagined he would say something that hurt me so much, never imagine he would make me cry. Thats why I have trust issues. Everytime I lean on someone, or hope for their support they turn around and abandon me. But I cant say that to my brother. I could never tell him how I feel, cuz I know that would hurt him and I'd rather be it me thats in pain than him.. he suffered enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Ok enough of that crap. Take a look at cute Pomeranian Puppies.

Ok enough of that.

I watched the very awesome Inception the other day. And another day. And planning to watch it again. Cuz it feels like a dream you dont wanna end, like when you have a really cool dream then you suddenly wake up, and you try falling back to sleep in hopes you redream it. Thats how awesome it is. I mean, the flow of the whole movie is just so beautiful, especially the climax. How it starts off (the climax) and little by little it build up untill the explosive peak.

Its just so perfect, and thats saying something. I just love how the movie itself is an original concept (yes you can see influences from other movies and stuff, and YES I know about the Scrooge comic, and its mind blowing, but.. screw it. :D)

Ok, even if it wasn't original if you choose to believe Chris Nolan stole it from Scrooge, the way he executed the damn movie was beautiful. The slow motion and the zero gravity.. fuck yes. And the part where they're in the van and everything is slowing down and they're arms and legs go up so beautifully when the van swivels left and right, up and down... the stupid audience I was watching it with were laughing at those parts. I didnt think it was funny at all, hell, seeing the motion they created was just spectacular. All the characters were interesting, lovable, they were human yo. Shit, I wanna write something better than crap I'm talking about here, but my mind is blown.

One thing for sure is, and I quote from @NathanFillion, " Inception. All I'm gonna say is: Hotel hallway. That's a long way from 3rd Rock from the Sun. Nice. "

Yea, my thoughts exactly! Holy shi--- mind especially blown when I realized that dude kicking asses at zero gravity was that teenage alien dude with long hair. I mean, SHIIIIIITT. Its like, watching Keanu Reeves in Bill& Ted then watching him in The Matrix... one right after the other... only like 5 times more mind blowing, cuz I've never seen Joseph Gordon-Levitt star in anything except 3rd rock! THEN I REALIZED HE WAS COBRA FRIGGIN COMMANDER! @_______@ *OKIMMAFANGIRLHIMNOW 8D*

Awesome poster for awesome movie

And the alien teams up with Jack

You've come a long way, my son. We are proud.

I also bought the new Darren Shan book, The Thin Executioner. Really an interesting read, although not as gripping as Cirque, nor as gory as Demonata. I really think all Malaysian children should read Thin Executioner, as it really stresses on respecting other cultures, races, religions and just have respect for one another. The book follows a young son of an executioner, who was dishonored by his father in front of his whole village. He then decides to go on a journey to regain his honor, respect and the hand of his love. Accompanied by a slave that must sacrifice himself for his family, they both encounter hardships and adventure that teaches us all very good lessons.

Still, I prefer blood, brains, and gore. 8D

Pfft.

I love skulls

I love flowers (roses) and skulls and guns

I love Ed Hardy (eventhough ppl say only douchebags like them)

But for God's sake

WHY THE HELL CANT I DRAW A FRIKKEN SKULL??!!