5 years and counting.

This blog should die along with all humanity.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Drum for me, For the dawn I Sing; Hail! Hail! Soldiers of Art & Design Come Marching In!

Nyaaaaaa the time has finally come for my graduation showcase! 8D It's a bit late to promote, but here's the some of the banner designs I came up with.





Please come on down to Annexe Gallery, cuz we'll be going on for the whole week. Com and support us, cuz my God, we need it. XD lmao

Anyway, this showcase is important for us to show the world "Yeah, we're designers, and we're ready for the World dammit!" Or something like that. I think the theme is actually pretty cool though~ haha Soldiers of Art & Design.. yea we fuckeen rock. 8D So please do come~ students from masscom and photography (reaallly pretty work guys), and the rest of FOCAD (Faculty of Creative Arts&Design) are joining in, so it wont hurt to look yo. Especially if you've just finished school and interested in design. It could show you what you're about to do in college. SO SHOW YOURSELF. OR DIE! >D (yay sadist mode:on!)


Date: 12th April 2011-17th April 2011

Day: Tuesday- Sunday

Time: 11am - 5pm

Venue: The Annexe Gallery, Central Market.

Entry: Enter at your own risk (FREE ENTRY).

For more details you can check out the facebook page or can ask me via twitter, cuz you know I aint gonna come back here in a while lulz. =w=

P/s: seek skulls and you'll know its me.


Edit: Oh yeah, and here's a SUPER AWESOME vid promoting the event. You should watch it for the pure epicness of it. If that vid doesn't make you wanna see the event, still just come for the skulls. 8D

My Nauseating Romance (minus the love)

.... Tyler Durden replied my tweet. That would be like, the closest I'd ever get of having a famous person replying my tweets. Yes, I am that sad. And desperate. I mean, what the hell do I have to do to get Ruki or Matthew Gray Gubler or whoever else I stalk. Dammit. =w=

Ok forget about that, just butthurt fangirl rambling. YEAH YOU DONT CARE ABOUT THAT!

Anyway HAPPY 2011! 8D I think.. this is my first post of the year? Yeah I guess so, since Im lazy as usual, and I can muster the slightest energy to blablabla about whatever. Well 2010 was interesting. Every year you learn more about yourself, and other people.. the people you care about, the people you didnt think you'd care for. Well let me tell you something I've learned; people change. Yea bitch they change. Even your best friend, someone you'd think would always be there for you will change. It just depends whether you change accordingly or you learn to compromise with that changed person. Well, eventually you'll get what I'm saying.

In recent years I learned that highschool friends or anyone you went to school with wont always be your friends. Best friends from grade school till death? Come on, that RARELY EVER happens. Now thanks to social networking you can keep tabs with your old friends via facebook and myspace (or whatever you lame ppl use) and dont have to actually talk to them! Isnt that something?! I know whats going on with all my old classmates, but I havent actually talked to them in 4 years! Cool huh?

My best friend from high school deleted her facebook a couple of months ago. Now she's active only on formspring and her blog I guess. I remember I used to call her every friggin day, just to talk. I was bored and I never could get a long with anyone from college. Hell, even in highschool I'd call her everyday after school lol. When facebook became the rage I'd start calling her less and interact more online. Hey, it was cheaper and much more practical. We could share links and pics and everything so it was cool. I'd still call her more or less though when I started getting bored. Sometimes she'd sms me too. But the interaction later became less and less... so did the interaction between me and my other close school friends. Yes, change came. I wasnt the same person I was 5 years ago.

Now that my friend deleted her fb, I havent heard much from her. Last time I did was around my bday. Lol the ironic (shitty mostly) part of it her phone is unreachable too. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTACT YOU SHAGY?! ARRGHH!! D<

Well, my point is.... some friends will break up eventually. I still love my shagy-poooh but the truth is, we're not the same ppl we were back then. Life happened. Her heart was broken, my life was torn, we've met ppl on another side who we find we can connect to much better.. and yet we both know we'll always be there for each other. Like the happy ending of a tragic love story. Yes, I'm overly dramatic.

That cant be said for most of the people I meet. Last year I lost.................... 3, maybe 4 friends? Sad really, cuz I dont make friends so easily anymore. 2 of those friends were people I really cared for. Well, one of them, lets just say we had creative differences. There was nothing really creative about our dispute, but the thing is that she kinda failed to compromise with my fury rage that comes ever so often.............. stop judging me. =w=


Its very rare to find someone so compatible with your character~ Let me tell you a story how I met sachi~e. If I or sachi~e told you this story, you might know that we met randomly in a class a couple of years ago. And it was like fate that brought us together. Yes it true, but I never told anyone what really was happening. Well, its like this, for me, it was like love at first sight. Its weird really, I dont know what love at first sight feels like, but when I first saw her I really wanted to be her friend. I felt she was different from anyone else in the class and I was hoping she sat near enough so I could probably talk to her or something. BEHOLD, SHE DID. lol she found an empty seat next to me. Well, at that time I had issues.. i didnt know how to speak to ppl and I was paranoid. So I ended up not speaking to her~

The following week she came in late, and she sat beside me again. While doing our work I noticed her notebook. I saw her drawings and sketches and doodle. I was relieved finally I had something in common with her. I wanted to speak, but Istill couldnt. Lmao I'm so weird, now that I'm remembering it the more it seems like a lesbian love story of some sort. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OHH MAIIIIII AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH well, no, im completely straight. Anyway, i ended up not talking to her again. Sad (pathetic), ne?

But the following week I figured, if I cant open my damn mouth to speak to her, then I'll have to make her speak to me first. So heres something I did that even sachi~e doesnt know.... 8DD I opened my notebook that was also filled with sketches and doodles and shit and I put it at an angle where she would see it. Yes it sounds lame, but come on, I completely lacked self confidence that time! I couldnt even look ppl in the eye dammit. And yea, it worked. XDD I DONT REGRET DOING THAT. I COULDNT OPEN MY MOUTH SO I LET MY DRAWING DO THE TALKING!! -dont judge me dammit. =w=


Anyway, I'm glad I did that. I found someone compatible for me. I may not find love, may never find it, but its ok. I found someone I cant let go. Lol. Which brings me to lost friend #2, where I almost lost sachi~e because of him. I think... if things didnt turn out they way they are now.. I might have lost her. I cant bare that. Honestly, you know, the very first person I opened up to when my dad left was her. It was weird, we were just having lunch together and I just got to know her... but I blurted it out to her anyway. We're awesome that way. 8D

Thank you sachi~e for failing 5 times at the same class!

NOLAN IS AWESOME. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE WASNT NOMINATED FOR BEST DIRECTOR FOR THE OSCARS. I THINK THATS BULLSHIT AND I CALL CONSPIRACY, JUST LIKE IT WAS A FUCKEEN FB CONSPIRACY THE SOCIAL NETWORK WON BEST PICTURE FOR THE OTHER AWARD SHOW THAT ESCAPES MY MIND AT THE MOMENT.

Oh and I'm in love with Cillian Murphy.


That is all.

THE NEED TO GO DEEPER!

[Copy pasta from IMDB]

How come when the van drives off the bridge in Level One, the dream is in zero gravity in Level Two, but the dream in Level Three has perfectly normal gravity?

Firstly, we know that the effects of one level have stronger effects on their proceeding level than any after that which is why Saito feels less pain from his gunshot wounds as he gets deeper. Level three is therefore less likely to feel the effects of level one. Secondly, the dreamers in Level one (Specifically Arthur, because Level Two is Arthur's dream) are feeling a zero-gravity drop which causes Level Two to lose gravity. However the dreamers in Level Two, (Specifically Eames because Level Three is his dream) aren't FEELING zero-gravity, they're EXPERIENCING a lack of gravity. It's the movement that affects the dreamer not the experience and thus, because the dreamers probably can't feel this weightlessness when they're asleep, it won't affect their dream.

Ok that made perfect sense! 8D

/RAGE

Fucking idiots. I was trying to understand, to accept.

But you.. the both of you...

All of you...

Is it fun for you to see me like this?

For how long should I remain silent until I scream out foul?

Know that we'll never be the same.

Know that you tore my heart out and burned it.

Know that you'll be the cause of rage and depression.

Cuz if you have an ounce of guilt left in you

I want it to grow and make you suffer.

When the World is Kind, but Reality Stays Cruel

This life... its such a bitch.

Everytime you think you have everything under control for the first time.. it turns around and smacks you in the face. "Haha Loser"

Oh fuck you life.

Its not that I aint grateful... but you know the feeling when you have no idea what you're doing? As in, wheres the life you live? Like wondering what the hell you've been doing all this time? *sigh* Such annoyance.. the people around me, my routine, my dreams, reality, my relationships with people... I wish there was more.






Again with the whiny ranting of how fucked up this life is. Fuck you its my blog I can say whatever I want. Yes I'm childish.

But you know what? There's a difference between being childish and being immature. I like to consider myself a childish adult. Why? Cuz I can take on the responsibility life throws at me. Unlike this person whom I will not name cuz it doesnt matter, lets just say this person is a guy. So this guy likes to ramble on about how fucked up life is, like me. :D But alas! This person's luck isn't as bad as mine. I'd like to state why, and what makes my life so difficult, but I dont feel comfortable talking about it on a public blog. I dont know what his life is messed up about, but I doubt he suffers as much as I do. Sure, he got his issues, but I'd think they're more to self-issued issue rather than life's fun way of saying "fuck you". Anyway, why compare him and me? Cuz this "guy".... just annoys me. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Sigh... well, when life throws you lemons... you just have to enjoy the sourness. Put it in your mouth and cry, but you'll feel something awesome. Bitter, sour, but ironically amusing. When you have a negative take on your so-called "fucked-up" life, when you say everything bad always happens to me... when you think bad luck is stalking you... you know.. just STFU. People have it worst than you, so just get on with your self pitying life. Like me, I like to ramble and pity myself a lot. Why? No one gives a fuck. So after emo-ing, I just carry on. I mean, lifes like that, you cant expect everything to be rolled out in front of you, unless you're privileged. Damn, I wished I was privileged. You can't call yourself a man if you keep pitying the way your life is. If you hate your life so much, than fucking change it. Whats stopping you, rite? Money? Relationships? Fuck all of them, its your life, go live it! Cuz no one's gonna live it for you.

One thing I learned from watching Doctor Who is to just forget it all, and go where your heart desires. Its scary, but I cant live static for the rest of my life. My mind wont allow me. If I'm destined to be poor the rest of my life, then I'd find other ways to take me places.







Having ties to someone.. its heavy. I watched that George Clooney movie, Up in The Air and his motivational philosophy intrigued me, about the backpack stuff. How heavy ties and bonds to other people are. The closer the heavier. Its true you know.... the more you care the more you feel dragged behind in life. But really, why do we do it? Why tie yourself to other people? Fear of dying alone? Fear of being forgotten? We all die alone. But what is life without cherishing it with someone?






There are 2 voices in my head. One is a really dark part of me. Has no emotions, has violent thoughts and just hates everything. Somehow I think, if this part of me ever takes over.. I will be a sociopath. I mean, I dont know how to prove I do have really really scary thoughts... some might say I'm just trying to be cool or something, like making it up. Yea I do have a thing for sociopaths (Sherlock, Dexter) but that doesn't mean I wanna be emotionless and act violent for no reason. And when I say I have depression I'm not lying. =w= FYI. But another part of me, remains human. The part of me that wants to believe the good in people, that wants to love everyone. That gives a damn.

So whats my point? Well, these 2 voices in my head.... are bugging me. Confusing me to the point I dont know whats right or wrong. To be reckless, to embrace the darkness that haunts me, or to be the caring aneue people turn to. Arghh my head is a soap opera. My best friend wants to be happy, I wanna see her happy. But I cant. Misery loves company? Or am I just jealous? Jealous of what? I always believed deep down the nicer part of me knows the answers, but is suppressed by the mean part....





I need a coke. =w=

Olivia's Greatest Hits

Olivia's Greatest Hits CD out!
I waaaaaaaaant!! Cuz I'm so in love with her!! X3

I'll edit and update later, wanna do something... posting before I forget.
Actually it has been out a couple of days now. LOL

p/s GERARD WAY IS HOT WITH RED HAIR.
kthxbye

MySpaceBulletins

Soundtrack to Your Life

TAKE THIS SURVEY!

Take this survey

Opening Credits:
Empire State of Mind -Jay-Z& Alicia Keys
Waking Up:
Set Apart This Dream - Flyleaf
Average Day:
Uragiri No Yuuyake- Theatre Book
First Date:
Beautiful Day -u2
Falling In Love:
The Unforgiven -Metallica (lol)
Love Scene:
My Moon My Man - Feist
Fight Scene:
Pop Is Dead - Miyavi
Breaking Up:
Stars Shinig Out -Olivia
Getting Back Together:
Thats What You Get -Paramore
Secret Love:
Daybreaks Bell - Laruku
Life's Okay:
Buiiki kaesu!! - MTH
Mental Breakdown:
Hanabi -Ikimonogakari
Driving:
Brick by boring bricj -Paramore
Learning A Lesson:
Chizuru - Gazette
Deep Thought:
Escape the Flames -Olivia
Flashback:
Master of Puppets -Metallica
Happy Dance:
Shoot to Thrill -AC/DC
Regretting:
Blind Unicorn - Olivia
Long Night Alone:
Frozen -Celldweller
Death Scene:
Howling -Abingdon Boys School
Closing Credits:
Space Halo -Olivia (omg love! XD)

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!

MySpace Surveys

Save Me From the Fires of 1000 Suns

Today.. a little ranting about Linkin Park. Recently they've released their new single, The Catalyst off their upcoming album A Thousand Suns. So the thing is, fans have mixed views about their new single, and how the album is gonna sound like. LP's transition from their Hybrid Theory era to Minutes to Midnight have been speculated by fans, and honestly most people hate it. They want the old LP back, with all their Hybrid glory, and make rebellious music like they used to. So whats my take on this, as a die hard Lp fan?

As I mentioned on my twitter page;
"Maybe its fangirlism talking, but I get pissed when ppl talk crap about the new LP songs. They just dont get what they're trying to do~ Its what artistes do, evolve. Whats wrong with trying and experimenting with something fresh and new? And how could you expect them to make music like Hybrid Theory? Yes, Hybrid was brilliant, but they gotta move on. Maybe the new album isnt gonna be as brilliant as Hyrbid, but that doesnt mean theres less passion. I guess thats what sets them apart from other bands~ Either you love them, or you could STFU."


See, LP is both artist and artiste. What I mean is that they aren't just performers, but they're also you could say, practitioners of art. If you're an artist you can understand the need to change the comfort zone you're in. You want to experience different things, to evolve. It doesn't matter if other people like it or not, because its indulgent. Either you have the openness to love it, or you hate it for your own reasons. The thing that matters is that YOU love it, because its yours and you told your story. If that story could reach out to people, make them feel, make them understand, then you have gold. To compare LP as a musical performer to someone else, maybe they come off short as creating something as widely accepted and celebrated as Hybrid Theory. Some people might think they've lost their touch, and cant recreate that epicness, unlike some other performers who dont fail to release an equally good album.

In my opinion I think they CAN reproduce Hybrid Theory, but they DONT want to. What for? They arent the same people they were back then. They cant be going on about how the hate the world, or how people hate them~ I think the lyrics that they write now, about the issues of this world, are excellent. It gives people hope. And thats saying a lot, cuz I hate this world. I despise it. Hearing the lyrics gives me something to look forward tomorrow. Who are you to condemn them of giving people that? Anyway, these are my opinions only. Yeah I love them, but I also respect other people's opinions too. Imma fangirl, but I refuse to be one of those stupid annoying whores that love Twilight and Bieber and cant understand anything other than those 2 things.

I'm not a music or an art expert, but I do love LP and been loving them since One Step Closer, and I understand and appreciate what they're trying to do. So that being said, I'll be looking forward to A Thousand Suns that's coming out September 14th. As sure as hell I'll be buying it and you know I'll be loving it. ;D

Of Death, Lies, Roses, Decapitation and Inception.

Hey budak! 8D

Ahhh, I missed me blog. Long time haven't been writing here... as usual, I found the time to update random crap cuz I got nothing else better to do. And as usual, from the tittle you probably know has nothing to do with what I'm gonna chatter on about.

Ok, the tragedy first.

My older brother pisses me off. He called my mom and told her he was frustrated why I gave up so easily going to Canada, and never doing what he asked me to do. In his mind that's typical Malaysians for you, their mindset at stagnation, negativity seeping into the brain sells like locusts.

You know, I AM a procrastinator, but the reason I didnt do those motion graphic tutorials that he asked me to do were because I DIDNT HAVE FRIGGIN TIME. Seriously, I was working from morning till evening, and get home late every night. Even if I wasnt tired and could do it, my younger brother needed the computer more than I did, as he was busy with his assignments. I mean, I hogged the PC everytime I'm in threat of being toast at the end of each semster, so it would only be fair to let him use it. (Yea we share the pc, we poor students, fuck off)

I dont do work Sundays cuz thats the only day I get a chance to relax. I always kept to that cuz I dont wanna end up being some person that misses out on living. Yea, you could say thats lame, but fuck you its my choice.

Then after a month waiting, my brother told me he didnt have any projects=no work=no money. He told me to just go borrow money from whoever I can. I mean, can you believe that? Not only do I have to pay for the tickets, but also visa and other things I might need. Wouldn't that trouble my mom and other people? He told me to claim my citizenship and all, but might I remind him that I'm going for my practical training only? Like, thats for less than 2 months. Its not worth it, cuz I'm still on loan, and I cant simply just become Canadian you know. If the college finds out then I would have to pay International fees now wouldn't I? Then tell me who is the one that will be suffering? Our mother right? pffft.

But screw that, the thing I'm angry about is that he said I gave up too easily. I mean, REALLY? For God's sake. I can only say if I am one to give up that easily, I wouldn't be living rite now. Even if I was, I wouldn't be here, or I wouldn't recognize the people I love. I would never have imagined he would say something that hurt me so much, never imagine he would make me cry. Thats why I have trust issues. Everytime I lean on someone, or hope for their support they turn around and abandon me. But I cant say that to my brother. I could never tell him how I feel, cuz I know that would hurt him and I'd rather be it me thats in pain than him.. he suffered enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Ok enough of that crap. Take a look at cute Pomeranian Puppies.

Ok enough of that.

I watched the very awesome Inception the other day. And another day. And planning to watch it again. Cuz it feels like a dream you dont wanna end, like when you have a really cool dream then you suddenly wake up, and you try falling back to sleep in hopes you redream it. Thats how awesome it is. I mean, the flow of the whole movie is just so beautiful, especially the climax. How it starts off (the climax) and little by little it build up untill the explosive peak.

Its just so perfect, and thats saying something. I just love how the movie itself is an original concept (yes you can see influences from other movies and stuff, and YES I know about the Scrooge comic, and its mind blowing, but.. screw it. :D)

Ok, even if it wasn't original if you choose to believe Chris Nolan stole it from Scrooge, the way he executed the damn movie was beautiful. The slow motion and the zero gravity.. fuck yes. And the part where they're in the van and everything is slowing down and they're arms and legs go up so beautifully when the van swivels left and right, up and down... the stupid audience I was watching it with were laughing at those parts. I didnt think it was funny at all, hell, seeing the motion they created was just spectacular. All the characters were interesting, lovable, they were human yo. Shit, I wanna write something better than crap I'm talking about here, but my mind is blown.

One thing for sure is, and I quote from @NathanFillion, " Inception. All I'm gonna say is: Hotel hallway. That's a long way from 3rd Rock from the Sun. Nice. "

Yea, my thoughts exactly! Holy shi--- mind especially blown when I realized that dude kicking asses at zero gravity was that teenage alien dude with long hair. I mean, SHIIIIIITT. Its like, watching Keanu Reeves in Bill& Ted then watching him in The Matrix... one right after the other... only like 5 times more mind blowing, cuz I've never seen Joseph Gordon-Levitt star in anything except 3rd rock! THEN I REALIZED HE WAS COBRA FRIGGIN COMMANDER! @_______@ *OKIMMAFANGIRLHIMNOW 8D*

Awesome poster for awesome movie

And the alien teams up with Jack

You've come a long way, my son. We are proud.

I also bought the new Darren Shan book, The Thin Executioner. Really an interesting read, although not as gripping as Cirque, nor as gory as Demonata. I really think all Malaysian children should read Thin Executioner, as it really stresses on respecting other cultures, races, religions and just have respect for one another. The book follows a young son of an executioner, who was dishonored by his father in front of his whole village. He then decides to go on a journey to regain his honor, respect and the hand of his love. Accompanied by a slave that must sacrifice himself for his family, they both encounter hardships and adventure that teaches us all very good lessons.

Still, I prefer blood, brains, and gore. 8D

Pfft.

I love skulls

I love flowers (roses) and skulls and guns

I love Ed Hardy (eventhough ppl say only douchebags like them)

But for God's sake

WHY THE HELL CANT I DRAW A FRIKKEN SKULL??!!

Random Self-Insecure Tapemeasure Quiz

Your Last Words:

"So, you're a cannibal."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

Your Bathroom Habits Say You're Selfish

You are very independent and self-centered. You don't solve other people's problems - and you don't expect them to solve yours. Your idea of fashion is jeans and a t-shirt. Clean, if you're lucky. You are a little shy and easily embarrassed. You often wonder if you are normal. In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

Tweet My Twitter Freak! (I have no clue wth that means)

Yea so I'm almost kinda active on twitter. 8D
Cool I stalk celebrities now. Nobody really gives a damn what I tweet about~ Bahahahahah!

I also have a formspring. I dont know why~

Facebook betrayed me. Ruthless piece of jackshit. How could it?! After all the memories we had together~ It made my friends think I dont wanna friend them anymore, and made me emo cuz I thought nobody wanna friend me anymore either. =.= Hence, I make new one. Pffffft. [Sayonara, Bradley]

I missed blogging. Hhahahahahahah XDDD
And I hate myspace even more than before Bwahahahahahahahah~!! So dead, only go there to check updates from jrockers. Apparently they dont use friggin Twitter or FB like the rest of the world. Except Olivia~ ohh darling Livey chan, so updated on... stuff. .____.


Find my twitter thingy!
@ChizuruMiyuki

Formspring me something!
blackorchidpulp

myspace me something unimportant!
myspace.com/byakuya-oniisan

... and facebook~~
no, thats personal enough. >.>

The days I realize I wasnt really living, but not at all dying.

Wow I havent been blogging at all. HAH! Thought I was dead dint you? DIDNT YOU?!
Well, not yet at least~ 8D

Yea so I've started my internship already, and as I foresaw I didnt get to go to Canada. Fuck. I dont wanna talk about it, cuz it stabs me in the heart everytime I think about it. =.=
But aside from that, I'm doing ok where I am now. To say its not as good as being in Canada.. well.. pfft, but hey, at least I'm still learning here. You know being an eccentric-dont-give-a-damn kinda designer, being in a corporate environment helps a lot to understand what corporate people want, and how they look at things. Its pretty hard coping with what they want and expect, but its all good.


Lately I've been really emo~ not that emo emo, but depressed, to the extent I think I need professional help XDD. What problems I have.. well not really the kind of problems you find in a telenovela, but sometimes things just get out of hand.

Look at this cute thing. K-k-kawaii~!! Less than 3!!

It doesn't help when your whole family is against you. You know, when a friend goes and betrays you it really hurts, but what if your own flesh and blood does that? I'm not saying my family doesn't love me... not at all, but.. its just weird... how I always find myself crying alone at night. *sigh*


Which brings me to the point of blogging about stupid crap like my depression. See, I know, my life was meant to be a crappy one. Not crappy la, but not full of excitement and ambition my mind dreams of. Just a normal everyday life maybe, if I'm lucky. But for now, my life is like the lowest depths of low. To the point I get suffocated and wish that one day someone will come and save me. But this here is reality, and in reality, I gotta save myself dammit. Cuz no fucking dude is gonna come and reach out, so I gotta pull myself up, and then become the dude that saves the lost. Thats what all those nights of tears and self pity taught me. In other words, throw everything at me, cuz as long as I keep to the promises I made to myself, I refuse to succumb to the fear in me.

The promises I made to myself, it keeps me going, keeps my head up.

If death comes and takes me today, I regret not living. Not living life the way I wanted to. Not being a good enough muslim, not being a good enough daughter or sister or friend or person. But thats humans for you, never good enough, never happy with what they have.


I dream; I dream of being someone who creates art, masterpieces. Recently I've been introduced to videos, which is awesome. I love movies~ one day... maybe I can make my own~ But what I dream the most about... is being free. My mother doesn't care if I wanna go out, as long as I dont bother her. But I'm not talking about that kinda freedom. Its just so sad... there is nothing really I can say I'm free to do. I dream of a world with no boundaries, but what I am in now is like a box. Closed box~

R.I.P Milla Jirojovich, Mommy loves you forever.

Its funny how I write about crappy crap first then something totally different at the bottom. XDD Then back to total crap. Bwahahahaha XDDDD

So, my baby Jiro died last May. I was heartbroken, my baby... Jiro was so smart, like the most smartest cat in the world I tell ya. Other cats are just at her mercy. pfft.

Jiro... she loved the outside. I brought her home cuz her owner had to keep her on the balcony when she was away cuz her other cats would chase and scratch her. She was smart enough not to jump off~ :D

When I first brought her home I remember her mouth was foaming... my mother thought she ate a frog.. but no, she was just super paranoid. XDD Like me!! *awww sho cute~*

Jiro kun would always go out and hang out on the roof. She hated being kept inside, she only came back to eats and sleep and play with me sometimes when it got too hot to stay outdoors~

But she got sick... my mom said not to let her out, cuz if she did go out, she'd never come back. So I put her in my brother's room (he doesn't use it, its empty) and spent her dying days in there. She'd always beg to come out, and sit near the door so she could have an opportunity to run. But I still didnt let her go out. I said to her "Jiro, kalau jiro baik nnt mommy bwk kluar ok?"

But a few days went past and she died

I got home and found her by the door

She wanted to go out and taste her freedom just one more last time.

Jiro baby, mommy is so sorry. Mommy regrets not taking care of you properly, not letting you out when I knew you wanted to see feel the wind again. Pls forgive mommy. Mommy loves you forever.

At least now you arent tied down, you dont have boundaries you have to keep to.

You're not living in a closed box.

Everything has an end, but it doesnt mean it will be lost

Dear best friend. I'm sorry about my last post, whether or not you read it or not.
I wont delete it, cuz its something that I was feeling at the time, I wont hide it.

I'm just sorry cuz I the things I said will, or did hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you, in fact you know how much I love you.:D

So, if we stop being best friends like we were once upon a time, or we drift apart, I wanna tell you

that the times we had together I cherish
and whatever it is, I am here for you
I'm glad I got to know you
and I'm glad you consider(ed) me as an important person
so thank you

To the one I loved, our dance is about to end~

I dont know why I still call you my best friend... I dont know you anymore. Hell, you seem to not want to have anything to do with me~ You think I bitch around just to be a bitch?

Well fuck you, and fuck whatever it is that your thinking, cuz you dont give a damn about how I feel. Its idiotic isnt it? The only way I have to express myself to you is through my blog. Think about it. Why the hell is that?

So yea. Dont you think I'd be pissed off about now? God dammit, you know that this is the last thing that I'd want to do, but for crying out loud, what the hell do you think I am? My heart isnt for you to break!

I hate you all, you know. But I love you.

I see you hiding with your tears
This song is written for you
It bends into your story
Everytime its played over

Energy lifts up from the trees, my heart
Fitting the ears listening

A golden glitter thread weaving
Into the garment of tears
Spinning and releasing your thoughts
Untucking the moment from your heart

Love Love Love
Here they come, my lambent fireflies
Surrounding you, lighting up your trail
Love Love Love
Close your eyes, were all under the same sky
You have me
Whoever you are
I love you.

Everyone is included
Take your time if you need rest
Fall asleep, Ill watch over you
Youll wake when youve had enough

Energy lifts up from the soil, flowers
Turning distress to strength

Whatever you do, dont give a damn what they say
You are wonderful just the way you are
Cant stop whats coming your way

Love Love Love
From highlands whispering out, calling your name
Brightening your north star
Love Love Love
Close your eyes, lets dance together all night
You dont need anything
This is real to me

Love Love Love
From highlands whispering out, calling your name
Brightening your north star
Love Love Love
Here they come, my lambent fireflies
Surrounding you, lighting up your trail
Love Love Love
Close your eyes
Were all under the same sky
You have me
Whoever you are
I love you.

"It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years, I had roses, and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An Inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you. -Valerie"

Welcome to the Dead Leaf Parade.

So yea, now for real updates.

First of all... SHOUJO MANGA BANZAI!! rofl, I'm so loving shoujo manga now... the comedy ones, mind you.. definitely NOT Vampire Knight and the like~

And you know why? Because of bishies. Yes, i like them more straight. LMAO!! Yaoi hinting is nice, but to have them wasted on fellow guys are just a waste~ T*T

Ok, honestly, I dont really read a lot of shoujo manga, and most of them are insanely intolerable, especially those where the characters have eyes as bigs as melons. But, there are a few that are really good~ Skip Beat, Kaicho wa Maid sama, High School Debut, one shots from Motomi Kyousuke, my fave shoujo mangaka and I recently started reading Oresama Teacher.. damn hawwwwwwt~ *nyappy~*

Switch girl is also good, cuz the heroine is just crack (pun not intended). Wallflower is good because of Nakahara Sunako, a girl I wish to be very much. But ultimately, Mogami Kyouko from Skip Beat has got to be the luckiest (well, after her bad luck streak la) girl ever. She has the most popular actor in Japan, 2 (scary and hawwt) vk rockers plus some other dudes trying to win her heart.. the best part is... SHE HAS NONE!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Ohh did I mention the actor dude is also scary? I think he's probably the most scariest in the manga, after Kyouko. I think I have a thing for scary guys like that. It makes me wonder if I'm really a masochist. Hmmm~~ lol random

[ok REAL update now]

I'm now into my 6th semester, so next semester which will start in June (I think) I'll be starting my friggin internship!! BWAAHHHH~!! I cant wait to get out of tht dumbass college. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!

So right now, I'm trying to hunt down my work so I can add them to my so empty portfolio. T*T

My mother wants me to balik kampung for my practical.... in other words, go back to Canada~ for like, 3 months.. until Raya. So if I do go there, I would be fasting there.... "orz you have to wake up at 4 dammit~

KAYKAY!! HIKARI!! ANEUE WILL MISS YOU DEARLY!! That is.. if I go... I dont wanna get my hopes up or anything, anything can happen you know... the thing is my mom is like, dead set on sending me away~ =w=

I just hope I can still be able to be a hikikomori if I go there~

Aside from going there, I'm interested going to Animasia or some publishing company that my friends are aiming for. It'd be cool if you get to do your practical with people you know.. it makes being anti social easier.. you dont need to socialize as much with people you never met before. Rofl.

Incomprehensible logic from hell, I know. XDD

P/S: I forgot to make a post tribute to Ruki during his birthday. T*T gomen ne, taka chan. But I think I got it covered... all over... my blog... his smexxy face~~ *drools* Happy Belated Bday though darling~ Love you~ ngeeeeeeeeee~~ :3

Oh Kenken... I need to post more of your pics~ Do you realize how much I love you? This ai'nt healthy man~ T*T Ahh.. fuck whoever, I cant stop loving you. Take that, *********

btw, *cough* encik senior sudah single balik. from what i've been stalking la. 8D

Wishful balloons, fly away with my heart, my feelings... and explode with all your might

Its the 7th already..... Kenken's bday was 2 days ago... I missed my annual planned happy birthday spam on all of my anti-social networking sites.. damn. OTZ at least I got to spam fb~ *semangat*

Wahh~ its been a while since I was last posted something here. Posted and actually WROTE something.. hahha should I copy pasta more random lyrics? XP

You know, I thought it was just a joke before this, but I have come to realize I really cant, I mean seriously CANT have any emotions or feelings or whatever the hell crap for anyone.... cuz I fangirl too much!! It took THREE guys to tell me that, and yet I thought nothing of it.

I love Kenichi too much.

On the eve of his birthday, I was in a really bad mood.. but suddenly for some reason I felt light hearted... and was kept being reminded of him~ (I lost track of what day it was - rofl) Plus I was listening to my emo kero soundtrack~ I felt... eto~ you know... the feeling you have when you see your crush~ lol~ Then I realized it was almost the 5th. XDD Super fangirl PAWAAAAAA!!

Just in case you're wondering, my emo kero playlist includes these songs;

21 guns

kuroi namida ~deep sadness version [anna tsuchiya]

guren [2nd husband's band]

dreams [haikara]

love love love [olivia]

tears and rainbows (which i love!!) [olivia]

goodbye days [yui]

wonderwall [oasis]

.... well you get the picture. :3

By the time you get to this part, you realize I really dont have anything good to say. 8D

I just felt like writing.. rather talking... its what, 5 a.m who the hell am i supposed to talk to? The ghost above my ceiling? No~ pfft.

Happy Birthday Kenichi... even though I may remain lifeless, loveless, emotionless, single and worthless (most probably end up alone and die a virgin) I will always love you.

Tonight, we die.

The red moon shines brightly
as it mocks the diamonds of the land
glass tears brake and shatter
i call back, take my hand

To the brightest star I would see,
come to me, come to me,
before tonight dies
and the dawn roams free
as it takes away the darkness that I hold so dear
will I see your eyes
in the morning
or would the rain come down
and make it the end of me

Take me away
sail me free
into everafter
bring me into your wonderland, gumdrops or pearls
the shadow grows larger, i am a coward, am i a coward
my mask is breaking

The lost queen is dying
the butterflies are on the move
the clouds have parted
but will the light shine through?